Caring 4 Grandma

A loss for words.

2012-03-09T13:37:00.002-08:00

I remember phone calls with Mom that sometimes lasted 2 hours. Now it is hard to find something to talk to her about for 1 hour. She starts a sentence and forgets what she is going to say and changes the topic in the middle of a sentence but doesn't even realize it. Today, she didn't know who Alex is. She didn't even know Sarah had a little boy. She didn't know who Zachary is when I mentioned that today is his birthday. She didn't know Wendell even had any kids. "I guess I am just behind on the times" is what she told me. I tried talking about the weather. It is dreary here today with rain showers off and on. She started talking about the temperature and then said "I remember when hurricanes used to hit in St. Louis about this time of year." I corrected her and said that St. Louis has tornadoes but they are too far from the coast for a hurricane. She corrected me, saying "It may be too far now but they used to have hurricanes all of the time." Then, she told me that weathermen cannot really predict the weather and she thinks it is foolish for them to try. That is why she doesn't watch the weather on TV because they are just a bunch of idiots trying to convince people that they know what is going on but they don't fool her for one minute because she knows where hurricanes start and that is why nobody teaches any of their children any manners anymore or what is right and what is wrong and that is why she has a vase just like the one on that table over there but it is too strong to get broken in a hurricane or even a tornado but an earthquake might destroy it. That was all said in one sentence. Her doctor said that 'older' memories will be the last ones to go. I tried to get her to talk about her childhood, and asked what all did they grow on the farm when she was little. She didn't know she lived on a farm. "I don't think I ever lived on a farm. I might have but just didn't know it at the time. I know I had a sister but I can't think of her name right now. I had a brother, too, but I think Harry died in the war. Well, maybe not. I'm just not sure any more. Isn't that awful? I just don't seem to remember anything. I need to ask Mom why that is. I'm sure she will know. Don't you think so?" What can I say?

A few minutes with Mom

2012-02-29T08:03:00.002-08:00

Dad postponed his Tuesday shopping day until today because I have a cold. I'm better today so he brought Mom over. They just left to go home. She is looking good and said that she feels good. Since they have taken her off most of the medications, she isn't sleeping so much. We talked and visited for a while. She has a hard time getting a complete thought out. She starts a sentence but forgets what she is trying to say so what does come out doesn't make much sense. I bought some new flowers that were on the patio and she loved them. She was delighted to see my house because she hasn't ever got to see it before. 'Your rooms are so big. That is great. And you have a great view out the back of your house!' She wanted a drink of water so I got her some with ice in it. It was too cold she said. That's why she doesn't like to drink water. It is always too cold. I offered to get her some straight from the tap but she declined. She asked about her 'little sweetheart, AJ' and I told her he was doing good. 'He is such a sweet little boy' She asked about Travis and Megan. I told her that Travis was in St. Louis last week for a journalism conference. "Well, I wish he would have told me he was going. I would have gone with him.' Then, she talked for a while about her and Marjorie taking a bus downtown to go shopping. ' I always liked St. Louis. Of all of the places I have lived, that is still 'home' for me. All of my kids grew up and moved away but I never understood why. Well, you are the only one who ever comes to see me anymore. I reminded her that Kevin had just been here for a few days. 'Oh! Yes, he did come, didn't he? But he didn't stay very long. I wish he didn't live so far away.' I also reminded her that Bev and Barry had just stopped by when they picked Jera up from the airport. 'Well, they didn't come see me. Beverly never comes to my house. I haven't seen her in years. Who is Barry? Is that her boyfriend?' I told her he is Bev's husband. 'When did they get married? She never told me she got married. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. What is this guy like?' I explained that I don't know Barry very well but from the times I have been around him, he seems very nice and Beverly seems quite happy. I then tried to change the subject but she wanted to keep talking about Bev. 'I don't understand her. The boys stay in touch...I know they are busy with their jobs and stuff and can't come see me much but they call all of the time. Beverly never calls, never comes to see me, gets married without even telling me. How old is Jera?' I told her that Jera will be thirty on her birthday in May. 'THIRTY?!?! Well, I haven't seen Bev or Jera for 25 years!' I explained that she has seen Beverly numerous times in just the past few years, she just doesn't remember it. I told her, Alzheimer's Disease messes with her memory. Today, she doesn't remember seeing Bev but later today or maybe tomorrow she will remember seeing her again. 'Well, I'd like to remember when people come to see me but nobody does. I never hear from any of the boys. I don't even know where any of them live anymore.' Yet, less than 3 minutes before, she was talking about how the boys call her all of the time. Then, she commented about the gloomy weather. 'It looks like a gray winter day but when you go outside, it is hot! Oh! Did Bev stop by and see you when she was in town the other day?" I told her no and she replied, 'She should have stopped by. Don't know why she didn't. I got to meet Barry for the first time. He seems really nice." All of this took place within about 10 minutes time.

Mom's Thoughts

2012-02-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

Dad brought Mom over a little while ago so he could do his shopping. When I opened the door, he told me that Mom claims she has never been to my house even though she was just here this past week twice. Mom just looked at me blankly and said, "I'm sorry but I just don't remember ever being here." Dad didn't come in, just turned and left saying he'd be back in a little while. I helped Mom into the house and she just looked around as if seeing things for the first time. She said the house looked really nice and the rooms are really large but she was sure she had never been here before. Then, she sat down and took my hands and said, "I don't know what has happened to me. I wake up in the mornings and cannot remember anything. I know that I had to do things and see things the day before but I can't remember what I did or saw. Sometimes I am sitting in a chair and suddenly I don't know how I got there, how long I have been there or why I am there. Sometimes I don't even know where I am. I barely know what my name is anymore. What is wrong with me?" I tried to explain that she had a disease that effects the mind and particularly the memory. She responded, "I feel fine. I don't feel like I am sick or have any disease, I just cannot remember anything. Your Dad keeps telling me things that happened or that I have done but I don't remember them at all and he yells at me but I can't help it. Does he think I would not remember things on purpose? He should think about things from my perspective...sometimes, I think he just makes things up that I supposedly did so he can make me think I am crazy. Sometimes, I am scared because it's like I didn't exist the day before but I'm still here so I'm not dead....am I?"

This is the first time Mom has actually expressed how she feels. I knew from her eyes and expressions sometimes that she is scared but she has never actually said that before. I want to help her so badly but even when I try to tell her things that have happened I can see that it makes no sense to her. Dad told me last evening when we stopped by that she was looking in a basket of flowers on the table and he asked what she was looking for. She replied, "My toothbrush, of course. I need to brush my teeth." Dad also said that she was constantly asking for her Mother yesterday and looking around trying to find her.

ENT Results

2012-02-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

The doctor wants Mom to continue with the 2 medications he gave her for acid reflux. The tests showed a hiatal hernia which is allowing the acid to come back into her throat. The medications seem to be controlling her problems so he wants her to continue with the meds and he will see her again in 2 months unless the problem gets worse.

Pictures from Uncle Kevin's visit

2012-02-19T06:07:00.000-08:00

A Visit from Kevin

2012-02-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

Kevin came in last Thursday night and went home last evening. It was good to see him again. I hope he got a good visit in with Mom and Dad. She knew him which is always a good thing. Since Kevin never gets to spend the holidays with us, I fixed a turkey dinner on Sunday with all of the usual Thanksgiving trimmings. Mom seemed to enjoy herself and certainly had a good appetite. When Dad was ready to leave, Kevin was playing a game so I took them home. When we pulled up to the complex, she asked why we were there. They have lived there for almost a full year and I have taken her shopping and to the doctor and out to eat and just out for a drive on numerous occasions and not one single time has she recognized this as being where she lives. Every time she wants to know why we are stopping there or asks who lives there but she doesn't know that she lives there.

This morning I went over to stay with her so Dad could do his shopping. She did not know that Kevin had been there to visit her or that she had come to my house for dinner on Sunday. She said she hasn't seen Kevin in a long time...a few years at least and then asked where Dad was. I told her he had gone to the store for some groceries and she giggled and rubbed her hands together excitedly. "Oh, boy! I hope he brings me something good to eat!"

She goes back to the ENT doctor tomorrow for the results of the testing they did on her esophagus. The medicine he gave her for heartburn seems to be working though. I'll update again after we talk to the doctor.

Sigh

2012-02-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

I took Mom to her regular doctor yesterday for a follow up. He had taken her off of blood pressure medicine and the dizziness she was experiencing has stopped. However, her blood pressure was 150/86 yesterday. Not extreme but much higher than her last visit. He doesn't want to put her back on the medicine just yet but wants us to keep monitoring it. If it continues to stay high or gets higher, we need to call him. All in all, it was a good visit. Mom didn't recognize the doctor and claims she has never seen him before even though he has been treating her since last April.

This morning I took her for a scan of the esophagus. This time she was really confused. Wanted to sign in 4 times because she 'knew' she had NOT signed in yet. Did not want me to fill out the form for her but she didn't know what year she was born in, her social security number, her address or phone number, didn't know why she was there or if she has had any surgeries. I tried to let her fill it in but when it was obvious she didn't know the answer to the question, I would prompt her with the information. That made her mad. "I don't need you telling me everything!" One of the questions asked when she was scheduled to see the referring doctor again. I told her the appointment was for February 15th. She wrote down 2:15 and I told her she needed to add 2012 to the date. She then wrote 2:15-12:00 for the date. She was convinced she had not given the receptionist her ID and insurance cards and kept going through her wallet and purse looking for them. I explained they already had the cards and would give them back to her in a few minutes. She would close her purse, set it on the floor and then pick it right back up and start looking for the cards again. She did this 3 times. Then, she said that Dad had taken them out of her purse while she was asleep! When they came to take her back for the test, she stood up and said "There is no need for you to come back with me. I can manage things myself." The nurse told her that they would prefer that a family member come back with her so I went. When we started through the door, she told the nurse "She thinks I have a memory problem but I think she is the one with the problem!" They did the test without any problems and we left. When we got back to the apartment and Dad asked how the test went, she did not have a clue they had done any tests at all. She didn't know where we had been or why but she didn't have any tests done. As we walked into the apartment, she said she needed to use the bathroom and asked Dad where it was. He laughed and told her it was in the same place it was yesterday...it hasn't moved an inch. Then, he realized that she really didn't know where the bathroom was, so he told her where to go. I explained to him what had happened and he said that is the way she is every day. She eats a meal and 2 minutes later wants to know when they are going to eat because she is hungry. Sometimes, she walks to the coat closet and thinks it is the bathroom.

Yesterday, Kevin's name came up and she asked, "Who?" Dad said, "Kevin, you know, your youngest son. He's 50 years old now." She looked shocked, "50 years old! How can that be? That's older than me!" When I explained to her that she is 76 years old she asked, "When did that happen?" It is so hard to understand that she can talk and laugh and seem fine but her mind be so confused and lost. When any of you talk to her, does she know what is going on? Does she exhibit any of these problems on the phone? This is going to be a long month...she has 3 more visits with doctors or for testing. *sigh*

A Child's Thoughts

2012-01-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

When Alex was 2, Sarah gave me and Allen small picture frames with wallet size photos of Alex in them. Across the top of the frames it says "I Love Grandma" and "I Love Grandpa". This past week, I was unpacking some boxes while Alex was here and found those frames. He grabbed them out of the box and said, "I know just where to put these!" and took off to my bedroom. I went to see where he was putting them. He put them on our nightstands by the bed. He was smiling from ear to ear as he explained what he had done. "Grammy, I put the pictures on the nightstands facing the bed so every morning when you and Papa wake up, the first thing you will see is my picture. That way you won't ever forget me like Great-Gran forgets people." I couldn't stop the tears.

"It's just a matter of time"

2012-01-22T05:39:00.000-08:00

I saw Grandpa out last night on my way back from the gym. "How's Grandma?" "The same." "How are you?" "The same...but my same is better than hers...it's just a matter of time now."

I'm not really sure what he meant by this. I said, "So, she's not getting any better?" He said no and added that the swallowing issues have actually gotten a bit worse. "I don't know what they're going to do about that, but she's just not getting any better"

"It's just a matter of time"....

That really bothered me all night.

Remembering

2012-01-14T07:20:00.001-08:00

Beverly and Barry came to visit Mom and Dad this past Thursday. They were there a couple of hours, had lunch with them and left. Friday morning after my staples came out, I went over so Dad could do his shopping. I asked Mom if she had a good visit with Bev and she said, "No. I have seen Beverly in several years. You know, your Dad said something this morning about Beverly being here but she didn't come see me. I guess she just talked to your Dad outside because she never came in and I didn't get to talk to her at all. I don't know why she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. She never calls me or writes. I just don't hear from her at all. She apparently stays in touch with your dad. Do you hear from her?" I tried to explain that I was sure she did come in to see her, too, that she just doesn't remember it. Mom got rather agitated and said, "I would remember if my own daughter came to see me...she didn't!" I let it go. When Dad got back, he confirmed that Bev did indeed come in the house and spoke with Mom and they all had a good visit. Mom retorted, "Well, YOU SAY she did, but I didn't see her, did anyone else see her?"

Last summer, Elaine brought Aunt Marjorie down to visit with Mom and everyone laughed and talked and Mom really seemed to enjoy herself but just a week later, she didn't remember them coming at all. She still doesn't remember that visit but she thinks that Aunt Marjorie comes over to see her at least once, sometimes twice a week. She thinks that I am Aunt Marjorie part of the time. Wendell came to visit last summer, too, but she doesn't remember that either. Travis was over to see her a few weeks ago and she remembers him coming...she just thinks it was Denver who came to see her (and he looks so good....he's lost weight and just looks great!) Most of the time, she thinks that Sarah is me, unless I am there as well. She also thinks that AJ is Travis part of the time and Denver part of the time but regardless who she thinks he is, he is always her "little sweetheart". It is so sad but I prefer to see her mixing people up than seeing her have a blank stare and not recognizing or remembering people at all.

Last night, I had a dream. I was visiting with Mom and she just couldn't remember anyone's name. She said she didn't have any grandchildren...her children were too young to have any kids. When I explained to her that she did have grandchildren and told her their names and ages and who their parents are, she starting crying and asking why her children hated her so much that they wouldn't even tell her that they had children or let her see them. What had she done wrong? She must be a terrible person if her own children wouldn't even call her or even come to see her anymore. I tried to explain to her that wasn't true but she just cried and shook her head. I was feeling how terrible it must be to really believe that when Grandma Moore walked into the room. She came over and gave me a hug and said not to worry. She doesn't remember now but when she comes to heaven she will remember all of you and all of the memories she has of everyone will come back. Do not worry. This is only temporary. She hugged me again and then she was gone.

Physical Therapist Evaluation

2012-01-12T05:21:00.000-08:00

I took Mom to the physical therapist recommended by her doctor yesterday. He did several strength tests and tried to talk to Mom. He said that she definitely has some deficiencies in her strength levels especially in her legs and hips which would help contribute to her falling. If her balance is thrown off at all, her body cannot physically make the necessary adjustments that would keep most people from falling. He asked her if she was from this area and she told him "Yes, I have lived in St. Louis nearly all of my life. Well, I moved to Kansas City for a little while but didn't like it so I moved back here to St. Louis because all of my family lives here." He asked her about her daily routine because if she is very active and busy, he would recommend some physical therapy treatments twice a week to help strengthen her muscles and hopefully make her less likely to fall. If she doesn't do much and mostly stays at home, then the therapy would just be up to her personal preference. Mom told him that she is very active and constantly on the go. She has to clean house, cook and do laundry for 5 kids so she doesn't have time to sit around and do nothing but she doesn't have time to attend physical therapy either. She is just too busy. Her kids give her all of the physical therapy she needs. Besides, she just had dizzy spells for 3 days that made her fall. Well, she didn't really fall, she just stood up too quickly and her head started spinning so she sat right back down to keep from falling. She knew the doctor should never have given her blood pressure medicine because there is nothing wrong with her blood pressure. She just took the medicine he prescribed 3 times and when the dizzy spells started, she immediately decided she wasn't taking any more of that medicine, she didn't care what the doctor said. She repeated this story 3 or 4 more times. The therapist asked her how old her children are but she couldn't answer. She pointed to me and told him I was the oldest and I told him her children range in age from 50 to almost 59. He smiled at me and told her that he would highly recommend that she tell her children that it is time to give their mother a break and let them take care of themselves. She just smiled and said that maybe she would do that since we weren't babies anymore. I explained to him what Mom's daily routine is like right now. He went over 2 exercises that would help strengthen her hips and legs and told her to try to do them every day and see if there was any improvement. He could find no physical reason for the dizziness and said it was probably being caused by the blood pressure medicine like the doctor suspected. He did tell her to be sure she makes a very conscious effort to walk straight. Right now when she walks, she will take a step or two and then instead of moving each foot straight out, she tends to cross her feet over in front of the other foot almost like she is trying to walk on a tight rope. This will cause her to trip herself and a hard fall with her feet in that position could very easily cause her to break a hip. He told her that he didn't want to scare her but people over the age of 70 years old who fall and break a hip have a 50% chance of being dead within one year of the fall from complications. She looked at me and asked if I heard that because "you are older than me so you better not fall". He gave me a printed sheet with the exercises explained to take home with us and Mom jerked it from my hand and said it was for her not me as we left out the door. We walked about 20 steps to the car and I helped her get in. She immediately folded the paper and put it in the glove compartment of the car. On the way home, I told her that she needed to take that paper in with her so she would remember what exercises to do. She didn't know what I was talking about. She didn't have any papers.

We were at the therapy office for about an hour and a half. I was with her for about 3 hours and came home feeling completely drained. She is so completely confused. So far, every time I have taken her somewhere and brought her home she insists that is not where she lives. She thinks the apartment buildings are big, nice houses. When I pulled into the parking space yesterday, Dad came out to help get her in. When she saw him, she told me that she would just stay in the car and go home with Dad since he was there already to get her. I explained that this was her home and she needed to get out of the car but she wouldn't do it until Dad came and told her to get out.

Doctor visit

2012-01-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

Mom was supposed to see the doctor on January 5th but his office called Wednesday morning and asked to move the appointment to 11 that morning instead. Since I cannot drive until the staples are removed, Sarah drove us to the doctor's office. Sarah let us out at the door and then drove on to park the car. Mom didn't want to go into the building until 'your Dad gets here'. I explained that he didn't come with us. Sarah had just gone to park the car and would come on in when she was finished. Mom looked at me blankly and insisted that Dad was in the car. He had been sitting right next to her in the back seat. I convinced her to go into the office. By the time, she walked across the room to sign in, she was already complaining that Dad will never go doctor's offices or hospitals. We went back and talked to the doctor for a few minutes. He took her off of the blood pressure medicine and said he really isn't sure why she was placed on it in the first place, but she definitely needs to stop taking it now. He thinks that is probably what has caused her falling. They tested her blood pressure while she was sitting and then had her stand up and took it again. It went from 110/75 to 90/62. That big of a change will cause her to lose her balance and fall. He wants her to see an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist about her throat and swallowing. He explained that as the disease progresses one of the issues that will come up is swallowing. The mind forgets how to swallow. The person puts food in their mouth but then forgets what they are supposed to do with it. Sometimes, they will choke or spit it out because they don't know what to do next. The specialist will be able to determine if this is her problem or if she has something else causing the problem. He also wants her to see a physical therapist that will do a complete work-up of her condition and abilities. That is scheduled for next Wednesday afternoon. He also gave me the names of a couple of care centers that we might want to start checking out. He explained that Mom is getting to the point that she will need more care than Dad and I are capable of giving her. Both of these facilities are setup so Dad could live there as well but just wouldn't require the extra care that Mom does. He also advised that we need to find out if we don't already know what Mom's wishes are about her health and death. If she reaches the point the she cannot swallow food anymore, they will have to put her on a feeding tube which is basically life support. Without the feeding tube she will die. With it, she could live for years but not really know anything. While this isn't a factor today, it may be in a few weeks or months and we need to be prepared to make these decisions at the time.

The doctor was in the room with Mom for about 10 to 15 minutes and then left to have the nurse get paperwork drawn up for the ENT and therapy. Within 2 minutes of him leaving the room, Mom asked what the doctor's name is. I told her and she repeated his name and said, "I've never seen him before. How much longer do we have to wait for him to see me. I'm ready to go home." I explained that he had just left the room but she just shook her head in disbelief. She didn't know anyone had been in the room yet. She cannot seem to remember things from minute to minute. She has repeatedly ask me how old she is lately. She thinks she is in her mid to late 50's and can't believe how she got to her 70's. I will update after she sees the specialists.

2012

2012-01-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

A new year has arrived. While I am typing this update, Sarah is busy working on a new layout for this site and adding some photos of Mom for you all to see. She's also adding some photos of Mom's hibiscus plants. Mom has been lost lately without the flowers. Dad didn't want them in the apartment so we brought them to our place so they wouldn't freeze at night. Once the cold nights pass, we will take them back to her.

I am sorry I haven't posted much lately. As many of you already know, I was experiencing diverticulitis problems this past fall and finally, this past week had part of my colon removed. In addition, we moved from the apartment into a new house on the 15th of December so I had to pack and unpack as much as I could before the surgery. And of course, Christmas fell in there as well. I cannot do any lifting, pushing or pulling for a couple of weeks now so I am planning to do more writing and will try to catch everyone up on how things have been going with Mom. Please keep her in your prayers. At this point, though, I believe Dad needs your prayers more than Mom does. While we know all of the things that she doesn't remember or isn't doing the way she used to do them, she isn't aware of them at all and is at the moment at least, perfectly healthy and happy. Dad is struggling. He has to watch her through these changes day in and day out. If he even steps out of the apartment to smoke, she is out wanting to know where he is or what he is doing. His WHOLE life right now is caring for her. He recently told me that he feels like he is just sitting in this apartment, waiting to die. He really needs our prayers right now.

Hope everyone has a very happy new year and enjoy the photos that are being added. If any of you have any 'older' photos of Mom that you would like to share, please email them to me or Sarah and we will put them up.

Sigh

2011-12-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

We saw Grandma today for a while at Mom's house. Grandpa dropped her off there while he did his Tuesday shopping. Mom was having a new washer & dryer and refrigerator delivered, so we went over to be some extra help if needed. Grandma looked really bad today...very tired, and her skin color even looked poor. Her hair was not fixed and she had no makeup on. She just didn't even look like herself at all. She was very confused about where she was and who we all were. She thought Keith was one of the delivery men and kept asking me where my dad was. (thinking I was Patti) As soon as the delivery men were finished installing the items, we left to come home in hopes to lessen her confusion.

At one point this morning, AJ asked her if she wanted to play a game of chess. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, I guess probably not because I don't seem to know how to do things lately. I don't think I know how to play...or if I did, I don't right now"

*Sigh*

Article

2011-12-11T17:14:00.001-08:00

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/12/09/7-ways-to-lower-your-risk-alzheimers/

Ways to lower your risk of Alzheimer's

Smile

2011-12-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything here. Most days, I just don't know what to say. Grandma is not the same anymore and she just continues to get worse. I've been over to see them several times during the past few weeks and only once did she seem to even know who I was. She always acts like she knows me, just doesn't know that I'm part of her family. I made a peach cobbler a few weeks ago and took over to share with them. Mid-way through her dish of pie, she got a strange look on her face...she looked at the plate, then took it to the sink and said, "I'm stuffed...I don't even know where this came from, but I'm not hungry at all!" It's very scary that she can be in the middle of eating and completely forget what's going on around her.

She always smiles though. I was thinking about this the other day. There's so little in her life to smile about, yet she's always smiling. Things are becoming more and more difficult for those of us around her, but I think we should follow her lead and smile more.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T15:56:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving dinner was planned for 12:30 to 1:00. Mom & Dad were going to come about noon. About 11:30, he called and said they weren't coming. He said that Mom had another one of the 'incidents' like she had on Alex's birthday. I asked if we needed to take her to the hospital but he said she was better and sleeping. He had gotten her up, showered, her hair washed and dressed to come. He was clearing some stuff in the kitchen and looked around to find Mom slumped over the side of the chair. He went over to her and she had a glassy stare. He started talking to her and gave her a low dose aspirin. She told him she was so tired she just wanted to go back to bed. He helped her back to the bedroom and she went right to sleep. She seemed ok after he started talking to her so he didn't think she needed to go to the hospital. After we finished eating, Sarah and I went over with turkey dinner for them and a pumpkin pie and some pecan pie. Mom was still sleeping but Dad woke her up. She talked for a little bit and thanked us for the dinner and pies but didn't seem to understand why we brought everything over. Dad said he would watch her and if she had any more issues, he would get her to the hospital or call me.

This afternoon I stopped by and she was laying on the couch. Said she was fine but just resting. Dad said he took her with him to get some cigarettes and lottery tickets today. She could hardly get to the car and back to the apartment but he thought it did her good to get some fresh air. I told them weather was sure beautiful today. She commented about how pretty the sky was over 'those apartments across the street from us'. Dad told her that was just part of the complex they live in. She got defensive and said "We don't live in an apartment. We have a house but there are apartments across from us." Dad explained that they do live in an apartment on the first floor and there are 2 more floors above them. She insisted that was a house and there was nothing above them. Dad asked her where the stairs outside their front door lead to. She said she didn't know there were any stairs outside...Dad must be imagining things. I changed the subject and left a few minutes later.

It is so hard to see her like this. She is so different from the person she used to be. I wish I could understand why this has happened to her. I wish I could fix things and make them better for her. I wish I could give her the 'dream house' she keeps talking about. Unfortunately, none of these are wishes that will come true. I feel like crying.

Where is Mom?

2011-11-21T06:33:00.000-08:00

That is what Mom keeps asking. She will take a nap and wake up asking where her mother is. Dad keeps explaining that she passed away almost 20 years ago. Mom will have a blank look on her face and ask "Are you sure? I thought your mother passed away but not mine." Other times, she cries and says nobody told her that her mother died. Another time, she argued that she couldn't be dead because she was just talking to her a few moments before.

I took her to the doctor this past Friday. Her blood work all looked good. She needs to keep taking B12 and D3 vitamins but everything else looks good. Sugar level was at 112 which he said was a little high but nothing to be worried about. He said that her blood pressure is staying low and the medicine he is giving her is such a small dosage that if the pressure stays low, he is going to take her off of that medicine by the end of December (which is when her next visit will be). The ultrasound of the kidneys and bladder all came back looking good. No cysts, tumors or any abnormalities showing up so that is good.

Dad went shopping after I took Mom to the doctor. The TV was on and there was a lady with long dark hair being interviewed. Mom looked at her and said "I just can't stand these women over 40 wearing long hair! It makes them look 15 to 20 years older than they are. They would look so much better and younger if they would cut their hair short. I think they just wear it long because they wish they were still young and they think that makes them look young when it does the opposite!" I just laughed and told her, "Well, Beverly wears her hair long and she's over 40." Mom looked at me with a blank stare and asked, "Who's Beverly?" I said "Beverly...Beverly Barton...my sister." She replied, "Oh! I didn't know you had a sister." I told her, "Mom...Beverly is my sister and your other daughter." She just shook her head and said, "Well, I've never met her so I don't know what she looks like."

Physically she is doing fine...her problem really is all in her mind.

No change

2011-11-11T13:39:00.001-08:00

Nothing has really changed. When I left their house today, Dad walked out with me and said that Mom is getting worse every day. She walks from one side of the room to the other and forgets why she did. I know this morning when I arrived, she hadn't dressed yet so I went to help her. She didn't remember that I had gotten her some new clothes but was delighted to put on one of the sets. She told me that she needed to color her hair because her roots were really showing. I looked and told her that she must have already colored her hair because the 'roots' weren't showing. She rushed to the bathroom mirror to show me but realized that they weren't. "Well, your Dad must have colored my hair while I was sleeping...he always helps me, you know." When Dad got home, he said that she colored her hair yesterday.

She did ask me if I ever hear from anyone in the family. I told her I did and she wanted to know if I had any pictures of anyone. I pulled up some pics from Facebook on my phone to show her. I showed her a picture of Denver & Debbie, Hannah, Jessica, Jenna, Samantha, Zac, Jera and Bev & Barry. She sat quiet for a while and then asked, "When did everyone get so old?" I laughed and she said, "How old am I? I must be ancient if everyone else is this old!"

I reminded her that Thanksgiving would soon be here and that I want her and Dad to come over for Thanksgiving dinner. She replied, "Good! I was just thinking that I really don't feel like fixing a big dinner for everyone so I'll let you do it and I'll just come and eat! I can do that really good!"

Lab work

2011-11-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

I arrived to pick Mom up for her lab work at 7:45 this morning. She could not have anything to eat or drink until after they drew the blood so I went early. Dad had her up and she was dressed in some of her old clothes that are way too small on her. I asked why she wasn't wearing one of her new outfits and she replied, "What outfits? This is all I have." Ok. Into her bedroom, open the closet and show her all of the new sets she could be wearing. "They are way too big for me. That is a large shirt." I reminded her that she had just tried everything on yesterday and it all fit just fine. Nothing was too big at all...they just fit. "No, I didn't try them on because I can just look at them and tell they are too big for me. I don't like any of those colors anyway. I'm just going to wear what I have on." Ok. Take a deep breath. Alright. Let's go to the lab. The lab is across the street from where we went yesterday and we went the exact same route to get there but she had never been on that road before and "My goodness! There is a Methodist hospital! I didn't know we lived so close to the hospital!"

I could go into more detail but it just so repetitive and very depressing so I will just hit the main issues. She didn't want to give them the paper with the orders from the doctor because "It is mine! See! It has MY name on it!" She didn't know what her address was when asked so I told them what it was. "I don't live there! I haven't lived there in years!!"

We left to go home and once again passed the hospital. "Look! There is a Methodist hospital! I didn't know it was even here!"

Once again,"I don't live in these apartments! Where are you taking me?" Once she saw her flowers, she was fine.

Today, I left them feeling really sorry for Dad. I have a hard time handling things for just 2 or 3 hours at a time. He listens to this all of the time. Well, he gets the small breaks when I am there but still. It is so hard to do or say something and just moments later have someone tell you that you never said or did that when you know better. It is just the reverse for Mom...she doesn't understand why we say that something happened when she has no recollection of it at all. It makes my head hurt to just think about it all.

Depressing

2011-10-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

Today I took Mom to have the ultrasound of her kidneys done. The results should be back in a few days. I'm not sure exactly why the doctor ordered it. I wished Dad a happy birthday and Mom asked, "Is it your birthday? I didn't know when your birthday was."

I did some shopping for Mom last Friday. She stays cold all of the time and none of her clothes are fitting her. She likes to wear sweat pants and tops because they are comfortable and warm. I got her a purple set a few weeks ago and got her 2 more sets Friday as well as a couple of other tops and a pair of dress slacks. The dress slacks have to go back for another size. When I took the clothes to her Saturday she only tried on the dress slacks because she was 'just too tired' so I suggested that she try on the other clothes this morning before we left to the clinic. They all fit just fine and she really seemed to like the colors. When she was finished I put everything on hangers and hung them in her closet while she put her purple set back on. She was out of breath and said she thought she should lay down for a while but I reminded her that we had an appointment for the ultrasound. She started out the bedroom door and stopped suddenly and turned around to me. "Oh! I didn't try on the clothes yet!" I reminded her that she had just finished trying them on but she insisted that she hadn't. We went on to the living room and I told her it was time to leave for the clinic and she wanted to know why were we going to the clinic. I explained.

We went out and got in the car and she wanted to know why she was going to the doctor when she didn't feel sick. I explained that we weren't going to the doctor. We went to the clinic which is across the street from her doctor's office and the hospital. She had never been to 'that part of town' before. I parked at the clinic and went to get her out of the car. "Why are we stopping here?" she asked. I explained again. She could hardly walk from the car to the building...just 'too tired'. We got in the clinic and she wanted to sit down so I got her seated and went to sign her in. They needed a form filled out and her picture ID and insurance cards. I went back to get cards and filled out her form. She fumbled in her purse looking for the cards. I told her they were in her wallet. She kept looking in other compartments of her purse. Again, I told her to check her wallet. She opened the wallet and looked in the change part. I told her they were in the other part of the wallet and started to take it from her to get the cards. She jerked it away and said "Don't touch my wallet! It is mine and NOBODY touches it!" I finally got the cards from her and gave her the filled out form to sign. She looked it over and asked when she had filled it out. I explained that I had filled it out for her. "No. I filled it out myself. I remember doing that. I just don't remember when." She finally signed it and I turned it in. We sat and waited to be called back. After about 5 minutes, she grabs her purse and says, "I forgot to sign in and give them my insurance cards! We'll be sitting here all day if I don't sign in." I explained that she was already signed in. A couple of minutes later they called her back. I went with her. She asked me why she was there. "I don't even know what to tell them if they ask why I am here. Can you talk to them for me?" I assured her that I would. Before the tech started, she asked Mom her birthday. She didn't know. I told her. She smiled at me and said, "I'm sure glad I keep you around. I just don't remember anything anymore, do I?" When they were finished, we went to leave but she stopped by the receptionist desk. I can't remember exactly what she said but it didn't make any sense. She mumbled something like "I think I am finished...just different than it used to be...here I am." The clerk just told her that she was all done now and could go home and have a good rest of the day. Mom asked her "I can leave now? They are finished?" The clerk told her she could go so we left. When we got back to the car, she asked "Now, where are we going?" I explained that we were going home. "Well, where am I now?" I explained that we were at the clinic and they had just finished the ultrasound. "No. I didn't have anything done." "Yes, Mom, we just left the building...see over there?" She just looked blankly me. When the apartment complex came into view, she commented about how pretty those 'houses' are and they are so big. I explained that was the apartment complex where she lived. She just looked blankly. I pulled into the parking space. "Now, where is it we are going to and what are they going to do?" she asked. "We are home now. You had an ultrasound done." "This isn't my home." I pointed out her flowers. "Oh! Well, they must have painted the buildings or changed them because it doesn't look the same." Dad met us at the door and asked how her test went. She replied, "I didn't have any test done."

Doctor report

2011-10-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

Mom's doctor is perplexed by her constant sleeping. He asked her if she does household chores or cooks or has hobbies or reads or just what does she do doing the the day. She told him that she gets all of her work done and then she is so tired she just lays down and naps. I explained that she hasn't done any of the housework, laundry or cook for the last couple of years now...Dad does them. She sleeps 12 to 13 hours at night, drinks coffee and sometimes eats something for breakfast, takes a nap, eats lunch, takes another nap, eats a snack, takes another nap eats supper, and lays on the couch until time to go to bed. Mom just laughed and said "Yeah, that pretty much describes my days now but I worked for years and cleaned and scrubbed and now I think it is time that your dad did something instead of sit and watch TV all day." The doctor asked her if she wants to do more than just rest or sleep. Her reply was, "No. I like sleeping pretty well. I am really enjoying myself."

The doctor said that he thinks she is suffering from depression so he increased her dosage of Paxil from 10 mg to 20 mg to see if that will help. He also took her off of the Namenda (the medication for her memory). He wants to see her in a month to see if she has been sleeping less and has any more energy. He said the medication will cause drowsiness and at this point she is probably already past the point that it will actually help her. If she does nothing but sleep, she won't have any energy because her muscles will start deteriorating if they aren't used. If there isn't any improvement in the next month by increasing the one medication and taking her off of the other one, he wants to do a complete work-up of her heart. Perhaps it is not pumping enough blood and oxygen through her system thus making her tired and sleepy all of the time and causing her memory issues to get worse. He doesn't think that is the problem but if these other options don't make a difference that is about the only other thing that could be causing it. Most Alzheimer patients do not sleep all of the time so he wants to find out what is causing this with her. Otherwise, she was fine. She has lost 4 pounds. She had gained up to 151 on her previous visit and is now at 147. Her blood pressure was 138/68. Her heart and lungs sounded fine. He wanted some blood work done this next week to check her D3 level to see if it is improving and to check her cortisol levels. He also wants a sonogram done of her kidneys. I will take her to have both of these done this week. The doctor said he would call me as soon as the results are back.

I talked to him about her not remembering who her family members are and recognizing names but associating them with other people (thinking Wendell and Zac are brothers, thinking Denver is married to Jessica). He asked if she sees them regularly. When I said no, he asked if she recognizes me or her husband or others that she sees regularly. I explained that she often thinks that Sarah is me. He said that this is all normal. She will remember the people she is around the most, the longest. Seeing us, keeps us in her mind even if she gets confused, she still knows us. She will probably know some of the other family members if they come to see her while they are there with her but once they leave she won't remember them or that they were there. He said the same thing goes for talking on the phone. If someone calls and tells her who they are, she will 'know' them during the conversation but most times as soon as they hang up, she will forget who called if she even remembers the call at all. Some names will stick in her mind but without physically seeing someone, her mind cannot recall who they are or why/how she knows them. That is another reason it is important to keep current photos of family members around her so her mind can associate a person with how they look now. If she sees baby pictures, she will think of that person as a baby. He said it can be very frustrating but that is just how things work. She lives in a very NOW world.

"It's so great to see you"

2011-10-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

It had been several days since I had been over to see Grandma & Grandpa and yesterday I went over two different times. My second visit was to pick up a package that UPS had left with Grandpa since I wasn't home to take it. Grandma came rushing to the door and gave me a huge hug... "Oh! It's so good to see you! Come in! Come in!" Grandpa explained that I had just said I couldn't stay and I said, "I was just stopping by to get this box, but I'll come over another time to stay and visit!" She looked very puzzled and said, "Yes, please come back to visit a while before you leave town. Oh, it's just so great to see you!" and she hugged me again.

The strange thing is that I'm not really sure who she thought I was.

The last few times I've talked with her, she doesn't know who most of her grandkids are and strangely enough she thinks that Uncle Denver is my son.

It seems that she's getting worse. Even Grandpa told Keith the other day that she's just getting worse by the day. Mom (Patti) will be taking her to the doctor tomorrow morning and will post an update soon after I'm sure.

About the same

2011-10-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Things are about the same with Mom. She isn't sleeping quite as much as she was but still takes a morning nap after getting up between 9 and 10 and then will take 2 or 3 afternoon naps. She is only taking 3 medications now. One for her blood pressure, one to keep her calm and one for her memory. She is also taking B12 and D3 vitamins. While I was with her last week I mentioned that she has a doctor appointment this week and she asked what date the appointment was. When I told her October 21st, she asked, "When is Mom's birthday?" I told her that Grandma's birthday had been on October 5th and that Aunt Daisy had the same birthday. She looked at me in shock and said, "I didn't get Mom a birthday card!" I explained to her that Grandma had passed away several years ago...almost 20. She just looked at me blankly and asked "Why doesn't anybody ever tell me anything?" I feel so bad for her because she truly doesn't remember these things and feels like people are deliberately keeping things from her. I keep trying to explain to her that she did know about things and events but just doesn't remember them, but she usually replies "Well, YOU knew about them but I never did." There really isn't anything I can do or say to bring that memory back for her so I just try to change the subject. Some days she moves on as if she has already forgotten about it but sometimes she wants to argue and wants to know that if I knew about the event, why I didn't tell her. It is frustrating and sad.

Allen and I went over yesterday morning and took Mom and Dad out for breakfast. Afterwards, we drove them to downtown San Antonio and past the Alamo and River Walk. We didn't stop because Mom could not walk that much but at least she got to see the Alamo. She was impressed with the buildings and plants downtown. On our way home Allen and Dad were talking in the front seat and mentioned 'San Antonio'. Mom turned to me and said, "I've heard that San Antonio is a very pretty city but I've never been there. It is in Texas, I believe. Maybe some day we can take a vacation and go visit there." I just took a deep breath and explained that the downtown area we had just been in was San Antonio. She replied, "Oh, really? I didn't know. I didn't see any signs so I wasn't sure where that was." When we got back to the apartment complex she commented about how pretty the buildings were. "This is really a very nice neighborhood and everything is very well taken care." When we started to get out of the car, she asked, "What are we doing here?" She didn't believe that she lived there until I showed her flowers to her but then she was fine.

I leave feeling so sad and helpless.

Article

2011-10-11T12:30:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd share this for anyone who's interested...

Can you 'catch' Alzheimer's?

Tuesday Visit

2011-10-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Went to visit with Mom yesterday morning so Dad could go shopping. She was sitting at the table when I arrived. Dad was making her some toast to eat for breakfast. When I asked her how she was doing, she replied, "Well, I really don't know. I don't even know where I am or what I am doing here. My mind just doesn't seem to work any more. At least you and Dad know where I am so I'll just do whatever you all think I should do and I guess I will be ok." She ate her toast and we just sat at the table and talked while Dad was gone. She started the conversation off asking, "Where does Beverly live now?" I explained where she was and she said, "I knew she had moved somewhere but just couldn't remember where. Now, Wendell lives in Colorado and Kevin lives in Wyoming, right?" I nodded. "Now Denver is on a ship, isn't he? I explained that he wasn't and that he lived in Escondido, just outside of San Diego. Mom replied, "Really? I didn't know that. I thought he was still on a ship but he is still in the Navy, isn't he?" I explained that he wasn't and that he was married now and had 2 daughters. "Well, I just don't understand why nobody ever tells me anything." I tried to explain that she did know but this is just an example of what this disease does to her memory...sometimes she can't remember things. She laughed and said, "Well, I am glad it is a disease. I thought I was just losing my mind." We talked about the weather and flowers until Dad got home. When he came in, she asked him if he brought her anything and he asked her 'like what?' She said, "I just thought you might bring me a surprise. I have been a good girl."

Nothing new

2011-10-03T13:55:00.001-07:00

Dad's hearing problem has been fixed. The doctor just cleaned his ear out and he can hear again. Simple fix! He was afraid he needed a hearing aid but just had dirty ears. :)

Mom is doing about the same. Lays on the couch most of the day. Talks with you but doesn't seem to really understand most of the conversation. If you talk about something happening in the news, she looks rather perplexed and then as soon as you stop talking, she comments about her flowers or talks about how she wishes she could have a house in the middle of some woods without any neighbors except animals and lots of flowers and..... Those are her favorite things to talk about and she tells me the same thing over and over again almost exactly word for word. She does remember that.

No changes

2011-09-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

Took Dad to the doctor today. He wants him to see an ear, nose & throat specialist. Dad is having some problems with his hearing in one ear and the doctor seems to think that may be causing his dizziness, too. I've been trying to call the specialist for the past half hour to make an appointment but their line is busy. Mom went with us today and they were both able to get their flu shots while we were there. After the appointment, I stayed with Mom for a while so Dad could go to the store. She's about the same...talked mostly about her flowers...4 yellow, 3 pink and 1 orange today. I tried to make small talk. Asked if she had talked to anyone on the phone lately. She said, no. Dad talks to people but she isn't sure who. I commented, "Oh! I thought maybe Kevin or Beverly called." She replied, "Well, Kevin calls 2 or 3 times a week but he normally just talks to your dad. I think they talk about hunting or fishing. Beverly...is she your daughter? No...your daughter is Sarah, right? I'm not sure who Beverly belongs to but she hasn't called me in a long time. Maybe 3 years or more" and then "have you seen my flowers today?"

Falling into Fall

2011-09-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty uneventful for the past few days. We stopped by to check on things Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Mom was laying on the couch and Dad was watching baseball and football games. Dad told me on Sunday that Mom had fallen again on Friday. She fell in the hallway by the bathroom door. He said that when he got to her she was laying flat on her back but he didn't see her fall. He was able to get her up by himself this time. He said he just bent over and she put her arms around his neck and he lifted her up. I asked him to please not do that again. He is still having dizzy spells and leaning over her like that, he could have fallen on top of her and they could have both been seriously hurt. At any rate...no scrapes or bruises. Mom said that she doesn't know really what happened. She was walking in the hall and 'suddenly, my head just didn't feel right and my mind wasn't working and I knew I was falling down but I couldn't stop" She is getting more and more unsteady on her feet. She has a doctor's appointment in October and I plan to talk to him about this. Mom seems to handle things best if you tease with her or joke about things. I told her that just because fall has begun, it doesn't mean she is supposed to fall down and she laughed and laughed.

Dad has another doctor's appointment tomorrow and both of them are going to get flu shots. The doctor gave Dad some medicine for the dizzy spells but Dad says that it makes him worse. I called the doctor and he advised to just take 1/2 of a pill and see if that helped but dad said it is just as bad and quit taking the medicine. He is still having problems with his hearing, too, so the doctor will probably send him to an ear, nose & throat specialist. The ear maybe causing some of his dizziness issues, too.

I stopped by to see them on Saturday after Sarah and I had finished at the New Braunfels Market. Mom asked where I had been and I explained about the market and told her where it was. Back in the spring before we started doing the market, Allen and I had taken Mom and Dad up there and I reminded her of that. She didn't remember but said that she is pretty sure that is the town that used to have another name and she had been there several times when it was the other name but she can't remember what that name was...but that was years ago. Probably 20 years ago, her and Dad used to go there a lot before they changed the name of the town. Then, she pointed out that she had 2 orange flowers, 4 pink flowers and 2 yellow flowers blooming today. This is the best year ever. The flowers just keep blooming. Last year and the year before, they hardly bloomed at all. Dad pointed out that she didn't get the flowers until March of this year so she doesn't know whether they bloomed last year or not. She just smiled at me and said, "Your Dad's memory is not as good as it used to be...he forgets a lot of things anymore."

The Usual Tuesday Visit

2011-09-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my usual Tuesday visit. I go and visit with Mom while Dad goes to the grocery store and does his shopping. He usually stops for a lottery ticket, too. He still dreams of winning the Powerball. Then he can build Mom this 'dream' house she keeps talking about set in the middle of a lot of trees, with flower beds all around the house and a big front porch to sit on and a screened porch on the back to sit on in the evening without the mosquitos biting. She wants to watch the animals in the yard, squirrels and deer and birds....lots of birds and butterflies. She will put out bird feeders and bird baths for them. She wants to enjoy the peace and quiet. She talks about this place more and more often now. She would like 50 or 100 acres of just woods with her house in the middle of it...not too far away from a city or big town though because they would need a place to shop that wasn't too far away and she wants a hospital close by just in case they need it. Not that she feels sick but just in case of an accident. She would just spend her days working in the flower beds. She would plant lots and lots of flowers. All kinds of flowers and flowering shrubs. She would plant a small vegetable garden with tomatoes, cucumbers, onions and maybe green beans. Of course, she would like a few fruit trees in the yard...apple, peach, plum and cherry would be nice. Oh! A couple of pecan trees, too and maybe a couple of English walnut trees and a couple of black walnut trees. Yes! That would be perfect!

Mom didn't move from the couch while I was there. She just laid with her head propped up on the pillows and talked about her flowers and what she would like to do. She asked for another blanket because she was so cold. That's another thing...her house would be where it stays warm most of the time. She is so tired of being cold all of the time.

When Dad came back, he walked out with me and talked for a minute. He said that all she does is lay on the couch until time to go to bed at night and then goes back to the couch first thing in the morning. She lays and stares out the window or dozes off to sleep. He said "I feel like we are just sitting here waiting to die."

Wear Purple!

2011-09-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

September is World Alzheimer's Month and on September 21st the Alzheimer's Association is asking everyone to wear purple to help raise awareness! I will be wearing purple tomorrow and soliciting donations for our team, Walking For Grandma. Please click this link to make a donation to our team. This money will be used by our local Alzheimer's Association Chapter to help find the causes of this terrible disease and hopefully find a cure! Thanks for helping! Please feel free to share this link with your co-workers, friends, and other family members. If you're reading this site, it's because someone you love has (or has had) Alzheimer's Disease, so please help us in our fight!

http://2011walktoendalz.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=454965&lis=1&kntae454965=07A794858EA740A1967815983CF54C19&supId=0&team=4166333

Monday

2011-09-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

I spent some time with Grandma this past Monday morning while Grandpa did his shopping. I could probably write an entire book just on the two hour visit, so I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible and just hit the highlights.

She was very confused about where she lives. Said she didn't know that Uncle Loyd had had a stroke and was very upset that she hadn't gone to visit him. I explained that we don't live close enough and she was certain that I was wrong..."There's no way I am 14-16 hours away from St. Louis! I've driven to see Margie loads of times and it only takes me about 45 minutes to get there!" I changed the subject and mentioned that Dan had just recently had surgery, but that's about all I knew. She looked at me with a blank look and said, "Who is Dan?" "That's Rhea's husband" "Who?" "Rhea...Aunt Margie & Uncle Loyd's daughter..." "Oh, I've never even met her and certainly don't know her husband. (another subject change!) The noontime news was on and they were showing a clip of a recent Presidential speech. I made the comment that the President's hair was sure getting white...the stress of the job must be taking it's toll on him. "Who is that?" "The President" "The President of what?" "The United States...that's Barack Obama" "Oh, I didn't know who he was" I mentioned seeing former Pres. Clinton on a news program a few days earlier and was telling her that he has really aged in the last several years. "Who are you talking about? Bill Clinton?" I explained that he was president about 12 years ago and mentioned his wife Hillary, but Grandma was completely at a loss. "I have no idea who you're talking about! There's a Clinton in my family somewhere, but his name isn't Bill! I've never heard of Bill Clinton before!" I didn't really know what to say.

She wanted to go out and pull the yellow leaves off of her plants. When she stood up, her feet stumbled on the rug that's in front of the sofa and she fell. Thank goodness, she just sat down on the sofa, instead of actually falling to the ground. I mentioned that I would tell Grandpa to move the rugs because that's probably why she keeps falling and she laughed, "I don't know who you're talking about, but I don't fall!" *sigh* We walked to the door and she started pulling off the yellow leaves.

She didn't know who Samantha is. I mentioned that Aunt Diane and her sister were visiting Sam in New Mexico and she asked, "Who are these people you keep talking about?" "Samantha is Uncle Wendell's youngest daughter and Aunt Diane is her mother..." "Well, I've never met her...either one of them! I didn't even know that Wendell had any kids!" This is about when her bad mood really kicked in... "It doesn't surprise me though, I don't ever hear from anyone. Kevin calls a few times a week, but he's the only one of the kids I ever hear from. Well, you come over and visit with me, but I don't ever hear from Wendell and...and...well I can't even remember the others right now but I don't hear from them!" I politely reminded her that Uncle Denver & Aunt Debbie live in California and Aunt Bev & Uncle Barry live in Missouri. She laughed and said, "Well I haven't heard from Beverly in about 3 years...she never calls or visits either...and I didn't know that Denver had moved to California." I told her that the kids do call her, and said, "You just don't always remember that they've called..afterall, you have five kids to keep straight, it's got to be hard to remember each time they call." (I thought that was a good reason, but she got upset...) "You're just making excuses for them, but I know better!"

Subject change...again! I could go on and on... When Grandpa finally got home, he asked Grandma if she remembered that I was Sarah and not Patti. She sat there for a minute and didn't say anything. I just smiled and said, "Well, she called me Patti a few times, but that's ok...I know I look a lot like Mom so it's easy to confuse us...just remember Mom has glasses, I don't" She looked very perplexed and said to herself, "Glasses? I think I can remember that" Then looked at me and said, "You mean you're not Patti? Wow...you sure do look like her!"

Short update

2011-09-11T19:20:00.001-07:00

I'll keep this brief, because I'm very tired tonight! It's been a long few days! Mom (Patti) is back in the hospital with a bad flare up of diverticulitis. Turns out the flare up from back in July never fully cleared up and got much worse this past week. They admitted her Friday night and she should be able to come home tomorrow (Monday)

I've been over at Grandma & Grandpa's a few times a day to keep them updated on Mom. This afternoon, Grandma was doing really good! She remembered that Mom was in the hospital and why, she knew there had been lots of wildfires in the area and she commented on the fact that it hasn't rained all year. I was really pleased when I left...she seemed like her ol' self! This evening, I went back over to help Grandpa look for a bottle of medicine that he couldn't find. Turns out it was in a place he had looked three times already he said! Anyway, this evening Grandma didn't know Mom was sick or in the hospital and she was very upset with Grandpa for not telling her! "You just keep everything from me! If you knew she was in the hospital you should have told me so I could go see her!" Within just a few seconds, she was completely puzzled as to who we were even talking about. I said, "Mom is in the hospital...she had a bad flare up of diverticulitis again" "Who is?" "My mom...Patti" She stood there with a completely blank look on her face and Grandpa said, "Ruth, this is Sarah your granddaughter...Patti is her mother and Patti is in the hospital. I told you a few days ago but you just don't remember." She didn't say anything else. Then, Grandpa asked for me to come stay with Grandma tomorrow so he can go get gas in his car and get some things from the store. I said sure and Grandma said, "And just what are you going to do with me? Why does she have to come stay with me? I can go with you!" Grandpa said, "Well, if you'd quit trying to sit down on the floor at the store, maybe I could take you with me!" "Why I've never done that! You're just embarrassed of me...that's why you keep me shut up in the house all the time. You don't take me anywhere or tell me anything or let me see anyone!" Grandpa just threw his hands up and shook his head. I quickly changed the subject and she was fine. Right before I left, Grandpa said, "Well keep us posted on your mother" and Grandma looked at him and laughed, "Well I'm just fine and she doesn't have to update you about anything!" "Ruth, this is Sarah not Patti!" "Well what's wrong with Patti?" "She's in the hospital!" (gasp) "Well take me to see her then! Why didn't you tell me!?" Grandpa quickly walked me to the door and said good night.

*sigh* For a brief moment this afternoon, she seemed like Grandma again. But this evening, the Alzheimer's showed that it's still in control. :-(

2011-09-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

It has been a crazy few days around here. I ended up in the ER Saturday night with bad stomach cramping that was probably caused by dehydration. I have a hard time drinking enough water but I am certainly working on it. We went to breakfast with Mom and Dad Sunday morning. Dad thought it might do Mom some good to get out of the house so we went to Shoney's. She seemed to do ok...kept forgetting that we had placed an order and wanted to get a waitress to take it. Then, didn't remember what she had ordered when it came out. When we got back to their apartment, everyone got out but Mom. When Dad opened her door and told her to get out, she just said "No. You all go ahead. I'll just wait for you. I don't feel like getting out anywhere right now." Dad told her to get out...she was home. She didn't believe him and wouldn't get out at first. I told her that is was her apartment and pointed to her flowers. When she saw them, she was ok and got out of the car saying she just didn't recognize the building.

Yesterday a brush fire was started about 10 miles from where we all live. I stopped by their place and told them about it and told Dad that he might want to pack an overnight bag with a change of clothes and their medicines in it just in case something came up. Mom went and got some old pictures of her parents and Dad got their birth certificates, car title and some insurance papers and gave them to me to keep. We have a small fireproof safe that I put them in. It is easy to grab and take with us if needed. Sure enough, about 8:30 last night, Dad called and said the police had just come to their door and told them they needed to leave. They could see the flames. I told him to come to our place. I had been on the phone with Sarah. They got their stuff and came over, too. By midnight, the news was reporting that the fire was contained so everyone went to bed. This morning the fire department is keeping an eye on a few hot spots but there was no structure damage and everyone could go back home. This certainly didn't help Mom's confusion. She was upset last night when I got the bed ready for her...'we aren't spending the night, we just came for supper.' Dad told her that it was way past supper time and they had to stay here because of the fire by their place. Then she was upset because nobody told her there was a fire. Then she thought the fire was by Sarah and Keith's place. When we explained that they live in the same complex, she was surprised and had no idea that the kids lived so close to her. This morning she didn't know where she was. Dad told her to get dressed so they could go home but she didn't understand and thought she was already home. She got dressed and said she wanted to lay down. She was too tired to go anywhere. Dad told her she could lay down when she got home. She just stared off into space. I helped Dad get her to the car. I offered to go with them but Dad didn't want me to go. I have noticed that when Mom is having really bad days, he doesn't like for me to be around her. I think he is afraid that I will tell him that she needs to go into a nursing facility. I didn't push the issue because I thought maybe getting back to her own environment without company might be better for her. Sarah called to let me know they made it back home ok. I sure hope we get some rain soon so we won't have such a high fire threat.

Sweet Dreams

2011-08-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

*UPDATED*
I did leave out one part of our conversation...she mentioned the weather being so mild and how cool it's been. "It's been cool inside your apartment, Grandma, but it was 109 two days last week! It's been a pretty hot summer" "Well it's been nothing like last summer...We haven't had to turn on our attic fan at all this year. Or use our window ACs. Last year, we had the window ACs in all the bedrooms to keep the rooms cool and we had that attic fan all summer long. This year we haven't even got the window ACs out of the attic."

This morning Grandpa had a doctor's appointment and wanted Mom to go with him, so I stayed with Grandma. (She was too tired and her stomach hurt, so she didn't want to go) After Mom & Grandpa left, I sat down on the sofa and began to crochet. Grandma was laying on the love seat staring out the window at her flowers. We chatted: "Those flowers are doing so much better this year. Last year I almost threw out the yellow one because it wasn't blooming at all." "Well, that's the one that I gave you a few weeks ago for your birthday." "Oh, that's right. Well it just seems like I've had it for years" This went on for about 10 minutes. She told me of a little hummingbird that comes and drinks from the flowers and how she thinks he's just the cutest little bird. Then, her stomach 'growled' and she said her stomach hurt so bad. I asked her if she had eaten breakfast..."I don't remember" I told her that she might just be hungry and that's why her stomach is hurting..."Does it hurt, or are you just hungry?" She looked at me very blankly and said, "Well, I don't really know what it feels like to be hungry. I guess I'll just never eat!" With that, she dosed off to sleep. Within a few minutes, her arms started jerking and her legs were twitching. I stopped crocheting and started watching her sleep. A few minutes later, her hands started moving in the motion of someone cutting food...a steak perhaps or piece of meat. Then, she raised her hand to her mouth and started chewing. She was obviously dreaming that she was eating! She repeated this several times, then took her hand and wiped her mouth as though she had a napkin. Then she started talking. Her mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out. She talked and talked, then was still. A few minutes later she woke up slightly and pushed her blanket off. She smiled at me and went back to sleep. I heard her stomach growl again and in a few minutes she woke up again and looked at me. I smiled and said, "Good morning Sunshine!" She looked at me and said, "Where did you come up with that?! There hasn't been shine in my sun for years!" and she went back to sleep. She slept soundly for about another 30 minutes, then she woke up and seemed surprised to see me there. Right away, she started talking about her flowers and how pretty they are this year but in years past they never bloomed. The hummingbird flew up to drink and said light up like a child..."Oh! There's my little hummingbird! He comes by for drinks all day! He's just so cute!" She was so giddy about the hummingbird being there! I asked her if she was hungry and wanted something to eat or drink and she said, "No...my stomach hurts too bad to eat anything." "Your stomach might be hurting because it's empty and you need some food" "No, I had breakfast...I think" At that point, Mom & Grandpa walked in and she sat up. I told her Grandpa about Grandma eating in her sleep and she laughed and laughed! Grandpa said that's probably why she won't eat anything with him...she's eating too much in her dreams!

This evening when we returned from a visit to Mom & Dad's, Grandpa was outside smoking so I went over to talk with him. A water pipe in their building had burst earlier this afternoon and I wanted to check and make sure that maintenance had gotten everything taken care of in their unit. Grandpa said the water had been sucked out and they'd put a big fan in the hallway to help dry the carpet. He said that Grandma was talking with the maintenance guys and laughing with them while they were there, but as soon as they left, she wanted to know why the fan was in the hallway. "I reminded her about the water and she didn't know anything about it! I told her she'd just spent the last 30 minutes talking to the two maintenance guys but she told me that no one had been there all day but her and me" He did say that she ate a sandwich about 4, and played on the computer for 2 hours. He said that's the most she's done in one day in quite a while.

Sunday visit

2011-08-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

I needed bread from the store so we decided to stop by and see how Mom and Dad were while we were out. Mom was laying on the couch covered up. They were watching the hurricane coverage on CNN. Mom perked up when we walked in and wanted me to come sit by her. I sat down and she was all smiles. "It is so good to see you. We haven't been doing anything today so I just laid down here on the couch for a few minutes." I asked how she was doing and she said she was fine and then asked "What grade are the kids in now?" I asked, "My kids?" and she nodded. I explained that they are out of school now. "Yes, but what grade will they start in the fall? I know they are growing up so fast now...they will be in high school in no time." I explained that they are already out of school...Travis is married and he and Megan live in Austin, TX and Sarah and Keith are married and live right here. She replied, "I had no idea Travis was married...how old is he now?" I told her turned 30 this past January. "Oh, my goodness! I had no idea. I thought he was still 12 or 13." About that time the TV coverage showed some water rushing through a town. "We need to watch out because I heard we are supposed to get 10 to 12 inches of rain today." I explained that was along the east coast where the hurricane was, not here. We are just hot and dry and in a drought. She got up and went to the bathroom and came back asking if I could open a small tube of cream for her. It was foot cream. I asked what she wanted it for and she said her arms and back were itching they were so dry and that was the only thing she could find. I told her there was a large bottle of Curel on her nightstand and that would be better for her skin. I got it for her and rubbed her back with some lotion while she put it on her arms. She said that felt so much better.

Dad wants me to make an appointment with Mom's doctor for him so I will be calling them tomorrow. He said he is still having these dizzy spells. He stopped taking the medicine the one doctor gave him. He said it made him dizzier when he took it. That is one of the side effects of the medicine. He wants to get another doctor's opinion of things. I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, after Sarah and I worked out at the gym, I stopped by to see if they needed anything. Dad wanted to go shopping then instead of waiting until Friday so I stayed with Mom while he went to the store. I sat down with her and talked about the weather and her flowers. I told her that I had seen that Bev was back home from her trip. "Who is Bev? she asked. Beverly...your daughter and my sister. "Oh! I didn't know you had a sister." Yes, Mom...you know...you have 5 kids...3 boys and 2 girls. I am the oldest. "Yes, I know." she said. "You are Patti." Right, I told her and Beverly is your other daughter. 'Oh! Well, where is she?" I explained that she lives near Branson, MO now. "Well, she never calls me or sees us so I didn't know where she was or what she was doing now." I explained that she saw her in KC last year and that we went out to see Bev and Barry a couple of years ago. "Whose, Barry?" Her husband. "When did she get married? Nobody told me anything about it." I explained again that everyone does call her and talk to her but she doesn't remember because of the disease she has but that is ok. "No! I think you are just covering for them. Nobody calls me at all. I would remember that." I asked her how many pink flowers are open today and she just smiled and said, 'Three of the pink ones are open today and 2 orange ones and 3 yellow ones. Aren't they pretty? They are doing so much better this year than they did last year. I almost got rid of them last year because they never bloomed. I'm sure glad I kept them because they are doing so much better now."

I try to picture myself in Mom's place. What would it be like to have large gaps in your memory disappear? What would I think? How would I feel to have people tell me something happened to me that I have absolutely no memory of? Does she even realize that she has forgotten things or people? I guess she doesn't. It would be scary. Maybe she sleeps so much to block this out. It may be a defense mechanism. If she is asleep, she doesn't have to see things she can't explain. She doesn't have to know who people are or what is happening. Maybe sleeping is her way of blocking all of these scary thoughts out of her mind.

Worries

2011-08-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Today is Dad's 'shopping day' but when I arrived this morning, he advised me that he wasn't able to drive the car today. He was too dizzy. I asked if he needed to go to the hospital or should I try to get him a doctor's appointment but he said no. "I'm dizzy every morning when I first get up but it usually goes away before now" He is taking medicine that is supposed to be for the dizziness and the 'tremors' in his hands. I told him that he should really see a doctor if the medicine doesn't seem to be working for him but he didn't want me to make an appointment right now. "Let's see how it does...maybe you can make an appointment next week." He gave me a list of things he needed from the store and I went to get them for him. When I returned, he said it was much better but I don't know if it was or not.

I am not a doctor at all but I fear that some of dad's problems may be due to lack of sleep. While Mom is sleeping all of the time, Dad is not getting much sleep. He goes to bed every night but he isn't sleeping very soundly because he is constantly listening for Mom. He is afraid she will get up in the night and he won't hear her so he doesn't really get any restful sleep. He keeps their bedroom door closed because he thinks that will wake him up if she opens it but the other night, he heard a racket in the kitchen and found her in there wandering around. She told him that she thought she heard someone in the kitchen and went to see who it was. Dad said Mom has been dreaming a lot lately and is talking in her sleep and/or moving around like she is running. She doesn't ever recall what she was dreaming. At any age, lack of sleep is not good but at Dad's age it definitely isn't.

I am struggling with thoughts and worries about both of them and would like to hear what you think. I have to wonder if Mom would not be doing better if she were in a care facility that specializes in Alzheimer's disease. They would get her up at certain times, let her nap or sleep at certain times, have activities for her to do, have meals and snacks on a regular schedule and make sure that she gets her medicines EVERY day. I believe that if this was happening, she might do better. She might have more energy and not just eat and sleep like she is doing now. I know that she will not get better as far as her memory is concerned but all she does right now is eat and sleep. I know of other families with Alzheimer patients who can function and do things, they simply don't remember what they have done or who people are but they don't just lay around and sleep all day and night. Maybe with proper stimulation she wouldn't sleep so much and her quality of life would be better. I also think that eating 3 meals a day would help her but dad usually fixes one meal a day and they just snack the rest of the day. I have talked to dad about this because the doctor said she needs a regular meal schedule. He can't make her eat and sometimes she just refuses to eat. I have experienced that with her as well but you just have to wait a few minutes and try to get her to eat again instead of just dropping it completely. He also admitted the other day that he forgets to give her medicine to her every day. What scares me is what happens if he gives it to her twice? I have tried to get her to go outside and walk around with me but she always is too tired to walk. For the most part, I feel that Mom would do better in a care facility. However, I remember how terrified and scared she was at the hospital and do not want her to go through that. I just simply cannot stay with her all day long to be sure she does the things she needs and try to keep her from sleeping all day. I also feel bad for Dad because he is capable of going out and doing things but can't because he has to stay with her. I think taking care of her is taking a toll on him emotionally and physically. He does all of the housework (I try to dust and make her bed and things like that when I am there), the laundry, cooking, and shopping. But in addition to that, he has to be sure she eats, gets dressed (with clean clothes instead of wearing the same thing), bathes, and washes her hair. These are all things she forgets to do. He said the other day that she went to bed about 9 the night before and didn't wake up until after 11 the next morning. He said, "I just let her sleep because when she's awake I have to constantly tell her the same things over and over again and some days I just need a break. When she is asleep is the only time I get any relief. The work load plus the fact that he cannot sleep well at night is not good for him. I've mentioned trying to get someone to come in (a nurse) a couple of days a week to help work with Mom some but Dad didn't want to do that. He just shook his head and said that he will take care of her.

My biggest worry/concern is what happens if something happens to Dad...especially in the middle of the night. What will Mom do? I have explained the phone to her several times but each time it is as if it is the first time she has ever seen the phone. Their phone has a 911 button on it but I don't know if she will remember to use it. Also, if she calls, she can't tell them where she is. One day she thinks she is in Colorado, the next St. Louis and the next New Mexico. I have thought about printing out their address in large letters and putting it on the refrigerator for her but I don't think she would remember it if she needed to.

Maybe I just worry about things too much. Maybe I should just let things run their course and address an issue when it actually comes up instead of trying to avoid something happening. I just feel rather helpless sometimes. I feel like I am a 'bad' daughter to even be thinking about nursing care for them. I feel like I should do more than I do...maybe I should just suggest they move in with us so I can oversee Mom's care better. However, when I see how confused she gets when she just comes to my place to visit for a couple of hours, I don't think that would help her. I'm afraid it would make things worse.

What are your thoughts? Any suggestions?

Pictures from Grandma's birthday

2011-08-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

AJ & Grandma (He's almost as tall as she is!)

Beautiful roses from Uncle Kevin

Violet basket from Aunt Bev & Uncle Barry

Violet basket from Aunt Bev & Uncle Barry

Mom's Birthday

2011-08-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

I was at Mom's twice yesterday. Tuesday and Friday mornings are Dad's 'shopping' days. I come over and stay with Mom while he gets out of the house for a while and does their grocery shopping. Allen had a doctor's appointment so I was later than usual getting there. Dad headed out and I sat and talked with her. A basket of violets had been delivered from Bev & Barry. I commented about how pretty they were. She agreed and said she didn't know where they came from...she just saw them sitting on the counter. I explained that Bev had sent them for her birthday. She just looked blankly at me. "Is it my birthday?" she asked. I explained that it was and that I was going to bring a birthday cake over for her later after supper. She asked, "Why are you bringing a cake?" For your birthday, I explained. Again, she asked "Is it my birthday? How old am I?" I told her and changed the subject to the weather. About 5 minutes later, she wanted to know "Are those flowers yours? That is a pretty basket but I don't know where it came from. I don't have one like that." When I explained again that they were from Bev and Barry, she asked, "Who are they?" I told her that Beverly is her other daughter and Barry is her husband. "Oh! I didn't know she was married. So Beverly is your daughter?" I explained that Bev is my sister and her daughter. I reminded her that she has 5 children...2 girls and 3 boys. Yes. She knew that. "Where are the boys? Probably getting into trouble, huh?" I explained they are grown up and have families of their own now. "They do? Why didn't anyone tell me?" I named off each name and what their children's names are and how old they are. She remembered Travis and Sarah and asked, "Now AJ is Sarah's little boy, right?" and I agreed. "Well, I haven't seen any of the other grandchildren since they were little. I don't know anything about them. I don't know why nobody ever came to see us. I don't think I ever did anything to make anyone mad." I explained that everyone lives so far apart that it is hard to visit a lot and tried to remind her that she had seen everyone within the last couple of years. I mentioned her going out to California for Hannah's graduation but she insisted that she hasn't seen Hannah since she was in diapers. Then she said that she has never seen Wendell's girls...just Zac. The conversation was not going anywhere and she was more confused so I just went back to the weather. It has been hot and we really need some rain. Her reply was "Is that your basket on the counter? I don't know where it came from. Oh! There is a card on it. Let me see. 'Happy Birthday, Mom! Love, Bev & Barry' This is yours! It is really pretty! I didn't know it was your birthday. I don't have anything for you."

Do you understand why I feel like crying just about every time I see her?

We went back over later with a birthday cake. Sarah, Keith and AJ came, too. She was more excited about seeing AJ than anything else. Roses had just been delivered from Kevin and she thought they were beautiful. She commented that Kevin always sends her the prettiest flowers for Mother's Day. We told her that he sends them for her birthday, too, and that is what these were for. She just forgot she said. She said she didn't want any more birthdays so she would just pretend they were for Mother's Day and laughed. She talked to Wendell while we were there but when she got off the phone said she was talking to Denver. She also knew Keith's name but thought he was 'the boy that Sarah is going with'. We only stayed long enough to sing Happy Birthday to her and have a piece of cake and everyone left. She was so confused. After Wendell called, Dad said that everyone had called and talked to her except me and laughed. Mom said that nobody called her except Denver and she had just finished talking to him. She hadn't heard from Bev in ages and Wendell and Kevin usually talk to Dad when they call. She told Dad if he thought I should call her then she thinks he is losing his mind. Why would Patti call if she was standing in the same room. I explained that he was only kidding but I'm not sure she understood. We left and I told her to just rest and enjoy her cake. She just grinned and said "I like resting and I do it very well"

2011-08-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today we took Grandma her birthday present, a yellow hibiscus plant, because it was blooming and I wanted her to see the flowers. She didn't realize her birthday was tomorrow and within a few minutes of us telling her we had brought it for her birthday, she asked what the plant was for. "It's an early birthday gift, but I wanted to go ahead and bring it to you since the flowers were bloomed" "Oh, my birthday's not for a while". AJ gave her the birthday card we had for her and on the envelope I had written "Grandma" She looked at it, looked back at AJ and said, "Who's Grandma?" "You are silly! You're her Grandma (pointing to me) and you're my Great-Grandma!" She had a blank look on her face, then shrugged and said ok. We visited for a bit, then left.

This evening, Keith & I took AJ out for pizza (his reward for reading 15 books) and I was expecting a package from UPS. So I left a note on the door for them to deliver it to Grandpa's apartment and as we were leaving, I went over to let him know. As he closed the door, I heard Grandma ask who was there and Grandpa answered "Sarah". I walked through the breezeway towards the parking lot but stopped when I heard the door open and Grandma say, "Well I want to see who was here!" She came around the corner and smiled, "Oh hi, hun! How are you doing?" I walked over to her and she took ahold of my hand. I explained to her that I had just stopped by to let Grandpa know that I was having a package delivered there since we were going out to eat...she was fine with that...Grandpa said from the doorway, "Ruth come on in here so I can close the door!" She said, "I'm just out here talking to Patti..." Suddenly, she realized that I was not Patti. She let go of my hand and walked backwards to the door...still looking at me. Her expression became very scared. She realized that she didn't know who I was and it frightened her. Grandpa said again to come inside and I said to her, "Old 'grumpy grandpa's in a hurry to close the door!" She chuckled then, and seemed to relax a bit when I called him Grandpa but still didn't seem to know me.

When I went back over to pick up the package, she was laying on the couch (which is where she was this morning, too) Grandpa said that Uncle Denver had called and was talking about the girls (Jessica & Hannah)...Grandpa said he just couldn't believe how old they were already! Grandma insisted that Hannah was only a small child and thought Jessica was Denver's wife. Grandpa told her that Jessica was the oldest, Hannah was the youngest, and Debbie was his wife. Then she said, "Well, it doesn't matter anyway...we never see them. In fact, I can't remember the last time we saw the girls" Grandpa told her they had gone out to California three years ago for Hannah's graduation. Grandma said, "From high school?! She's not even in high school yet! Those girls are little bitty things!" I reminded her that they were both in college now and that yes, they had indeed gone to California about three years ago. She just pursed her lips and said, "Well, he might have gone I guess, but I didn't. I haven't seen those girls since they were just babies!"

It's so frustrating and so sad! Tomorrow is her birthday and she doesn't even know it. She probably won't even remember tomorrow that we came over today.

*sigh*

Not a good day

2011-08-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was not a good day. At 8:30 I went to pick Mom up for her dental appointment. She was in her usual place...laying on the couch. Dad said it took him 5 tries to get her up and dressed. He got her out of bed and told her to get dressed and went into the kitchen to get coffee and when he came back to the bedroom, she was back in bed asleep. He got her up again and gave her clothes to put on and watched her start getting dressed then went back to the kitchen...again she went back to bed. She just wanted to sleep. Finally, she got ready and then laid down on the couch and was dozing when I came in. I asked if he had given her the meds (the antibiotics she needed before the dental work) and she said no but he said yes. We left for the dentist. She said she was so tired that she didn't want to go to the dentist. She just wanted to stay home and in bed. By the time we got to the dentist's office, she started complaining that her stomach hurt. They took her right back but she kept complaining about her stomach. I asked if she ate breakfast and she said no...she had coffee. The nurse went to get her a cracker to eat but she spit it out. They got the dental work finished but she could hardly walk to the car...she was too tired. I got her home (when I parked, she wanted to know why I had taken her to my house instead of taking her home) and Dad came out to help me get her in. She wanted to go to bed so he took her to the bedroom and she laid down. I asked Dad if she had eaten any breakfast and he said no...she didn't want any. That is why her stomach was hurting. I explained to him the last time she went to the dentist that this medicine needs to be taken with food even with a regular dose of just one pill. Mom had to take 4 pills so she really needed food in her stomach. He went and made her some toast and I tried to get her to eat it but she wouldn't. I finally convinced her to at least take one bite but she chewed it a moment and spit it out and said "I just want to sleep! Let me sleep!" I covered her up and let her sleep. Dad went to the store and was gone about an hour and a half. She slept the whole time and was still asleep when I left. I talked with Dad a couple of times during the day. She slept until about 3 o'clock (from 10:30). She wouldn't eat supper but finally agreed to eat some ice cream later in the evening. I just talked to Dad a few minutes ago and she got up hungry this morning so he was fixing her scrambled eggs and toast.

Yesterday was not a good day...for me. I cried when I got home. I cried again last night. I tried to write this post last night but couldn't. It is hard to write now because I keep crying. I feel so bad for her but there isn't a single thing I can do about it. All she does is eat and sleep. She is in a daze most of the time. The only thing she talks about is the hibiscus plants and how many blooms are out today. I had no idea when I purchased them for her that they would become the focus of her life. She lays on the couch all day and looks at those flowers. That is all she knows to talk about. If I say that I talked to someone in the family, she just looks at me rather confused or uncertain and usually says..."we never hear from them anymore" and starts telling me about the flowers again. She doesn't know where she is , what day of the week it is, what month or season it is. She wanted to hold my hand in the dentist office. "I just don't want to get lost" is what she told me. When I walked back to the dental chair with her, she didn't want to let go of my hand. I explained that the dentist and tech couldn't work on her if I stayed there. I told her I would stay in the room but just sit over in the corner out of their way. She wanted me to keep talking so she could hear me and know I was still there, so I did. The tech and the doctor both just kept talking to me so she would know I was there. I feel so helpless. I feel like I should be doing something...anything...that would help her or pull her out of this. I just want to make everything right but I can't. It just wasn't a good day.

Bruised but ok

2011-08-06T11:28:00.001-07:00

Mom is doing well. Her back looks terrible...dark black/purple bruising at the point of impact and then lighter bruising down the rest of her back. We had to postpone her dental appointment to this next Thursday because she was too sore to lay back in the dental chair. When I was talking to her yesterday and told her to hold on to something when she is walking around so she doesn't fall anymore, she didn't even remember falling.

When I got there yesterday morning, she had just gotten up and had on one of the gowns I took her last week. I commented that it fit nicely and she said..."Yes...I've had this gown forever but it still looks new."

I gave them an update on Uncle Loyd and she was upset because dad wouldn't take her 'over' to the hospital to be with Aunt Marjorie and wanted to know if I would take her. "Your dad just doesn't like going to hospitals." I explained that it is a long way to St. Louis from Texas and we couldn't just stop by. Her reply was "When did we move to Texas? I thought we were in St. Louis...that's the only place I've ever lived." I just changed the subject.

Allen said last night, the hardest part for him is not being able to tease and cut up with her...she doesn't understand anymore.

She loves to see Alex and has to hug and kiss him..."He's my little sweetheart!" The problem is sometimes she knows he is Alex but sometimes she thinks he is Travis and sometimes she thinks he is Denver. But regardless of who she thinks he is, he is always her 'little sweetheart'! The other day, she kissed him and he wiped his face after the kiss. She scolded him...'don't you wipe off my kisses!' He just grinned at her and said "I'm not wiping them off, I'm rubbing them in." That just made her day!

Falling

2011-08-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

Dad called a little while ago...Mom fell in the living room and hit her back on the TV stand. She was still on the floor but he couldn't get her up by himself and needed me to come over. (Sarah and Keith were in Austin helping a friend move) Allen and I rushed over and found her sitting on the floor. She said she thought she was ok, she just needed help getting up. I helped Dad get her up. She has a large scrape on the right side of her back that I am sure will bruise overnight. She can move and seemed to be ok. I fixed an ice pack for her back to keep it from swelling. She said she was going to sit down on the love seat (which is positioned next to the TV) and just lost her balance and fell backwards catching her back on the corner of the TV stand. Dad said she hit it full force. We stayed for a while and she was doing alright so we came on home. I'm going back over first thing in the morning and told Dad to call if there are any problems.

2 second memory

2011-08-02T07:27:00.001-07:00

Much like Mom said in a previous post, Grandma is simply living for the now. We spoke with her yesterday and she had no idea that Aunt Margie & Elaine had been here. When I said something about them coming for a visit, she was upset they didn't come by to see her! "Well, Grandma they did...they were here for several days and visited with you, you all went out to breakfast, we all went to Mom & Dad's for Mexican food the evening before they left to go home." She replied, "Well I guess my mind just doesn't work but only for a few seconds at a time then, because I sure don't remember any of that happening! I guess I just have a 2 second memory!" She also commented on how tall AJ is getting. "You know, when kids are little like that and you don't see them for a few years, then you do, they just look like completely different people!"

I know I say this a lot, but it really is very sad and very scary.

*sighs*

New Gowns

2011-08-01T07:59:00.001-07:00

Sarah and I were shopping Saturday afternoon and I bought Mom two new gowns to wear. I took them to her and told her she could wear them instead of the slip she had been wearing. She replied, "Oh, it isn't a slip...it is a gown but it just sort of looks like a slip" The gowns are identical...one rose pink and one a periwinkle blue. She really liked the blue one and said for a minute she thought it was purple and she really likes purple. I told her it was sort of a mix between blue and purple and she was happy. The other day I had on a purple shirt and she commented how much she liked it and wished she had a purple shirt. Mom never liked purple or lavender before at all. Sarah commented that it is ironic that she suddenly seems to like purple and lavender so much and purple is the color associated with Alzheimer's Disease. They use the purple ribbon and purple forget-me-not.

Weekend update

2011-08-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

Friday morning I went over so Dad could go to the store. Mom was still in bed (it was about 9:30) so Dad wanted to wake her before he left so she would know he was gone. Once she was awake and knew I was there, he left for his shopping. Mom was sleeping in a slip. I asked her where her gowns were and she said they didn't fit anymore so she was just sleeping in her slip. I helped her get dressed fixed her some toast to eat with her coffee and medicine. She wouldn't eat the toast but did drink half of the cup of coffee. She wanted to go back to bed but I had made the bed while she was using the bathroom so she was upset with me. She got her pillow off the bed and said she'd just have to sleep on the couch if I was going to be that way about it. She went and laid down on the couch and dozed off for a few minutes. About 10 minutes later she sat up and looked at the pillow and asked what it was doing in the living room. When I explained that she had brought it in because I had made the bed, she said that she never brings the bedroom pillow into the living room. She just uses the couch pillows when she lays on the couch. Dad must have put her pillow in the living room but where was he. I told her that he had gone to the store and she was upset that he didn't tell her before he left. "He just never tells me anything."

Mom is getting worse almost by the day. She can sit and talk with you and seem ok but forgets everything that was said or done sometimes in as little as 2 or 3 minutes. She is also becoming more 'clingy'. She wants to hold your hand or if she hugs you, she doesn't want to let go. Yesterday, we stopped by with the Sunday paper for dad and she wanted me to sit by her on the couch. When I sat down, she took hold of my hand. After a couple of minutes I started to let loose of her hand but she grabbed my hand tighter and said, "I want to hold your hand...it makes me feel safe...I don't want you to leave me by myself." I reassured her that she would not be left by herself and just held her hand until we were ready to leave. Dad said that she wants him to sit on the couch with her in the evenings and she lays her head in his lap to sleep. It is like she is afraid. This has to be frightening for her. She knows that things aren't right but can't remember enough to know what is going on.

I'm sure they already are, but please keep both Mom and Dad in your prayers. There isn't much else we can do. :(

Shirt for the walk

2011-07-29T16:17:00.001-07:00

Here's what the shirts will look like! They are going to be $15 - $21 (depending the size needed) Let me know if you'd like one and what size you want. (S-4XL)

Walking for Grandma

2011-07-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, we are going to be participating in the Walk to End Alzheimer's here in San Antonio. As a team, we are hoping to raise at least $500 to go towards Alzheimer's research. Check with your employers...there are lots of companies that will match donations to events like these.

If anyone would like donate, you can click HERE to go directly to our donation page where you can make an online donation, or print a donation form to mail a check. (please mail the checks to us so we can turn them in the day of the walk)

Also, I am currently working on a T-Shirt design for our team, 'Walking For Grandma' to wear the day of the walk. If anyone would like to purchase a shirt...even if you're not able to walk with us...please let me know. It looks like, right now the cost will be about $15 each. I will post pictures of the shirt design soon.

If anyone is planning a trip to San Antonio to visit this fall, and can make it during the weekend of October 15th, it would be great for you to join our team and walk with us! You can also join the team by following the link above.

Lunch

2011-07-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

AJ & I walked the dog to the mailbox this afternoon and on our way home Grandpa was out so we stopped to talk. I asked him how Grandma was doing and he shrugged his shoulders and said, "She just can't remember anything and it's getting much worse." He said that she had gone to make a sandwich for lunch, got some things out of the refrigerator, set it on the counter, turned back to close the fridge door, then just stood there staring at the food. He said he asked her what she was doing and she said, "Well, I don't really know!" He reminded her that she said she was hungry and was making a sandwich, and she said ok. Then he said she started making a sandwich and putting all kinds of things on it! He asked her what she was making and she stopped and looked at it, "I don't know" So, he said he had to finish making the sandwich for her. He sighed and said, "It's really sad to see the things she's doing and I just don't know what I'm going to do with her. She goes to the bedroom to change her blouse and I go in to check on her and she's asleep on the bed."

The other day, Mom had come over first thing in the morning and Grandma was still in her night gown....only she wasn't wearing a night gown...she was wearing a slip. One day last week, she had on a turtle neck type top with a sweatshirt on over it and was upset that I had on capris and a short sleeve shirt. She was convinced it was winter.

Skype

2011-07-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

Kevin called me one evening last week and we used Skype to talk for a while. He suggested that we try using Skype with Mom and Dad so she could see everyone when she talks to them. They don't have internet access. Sarah has internet to her phone that she can hook her laptop up to and use at their house so we can give that a try. I have a couple of reservations about it. The first of the year, Sarah went to their house in KC so I could talk to them about apartments on Skype. It totally confused Mom because at first she thought Sarah had just come to visit me and had taped me talking to her and was playing that tape for Mom to see. Then, later she swore that I had been to her house and she had just talked to me so I couldn't possibly be in San Antonio. I don't want to make things worse for her by adding to her confusion. On the other hand, even if she seems confused right after the call, within probably 30 minutes, she may not even remember the call at all anyway. Let me know what your thoughts are. If any of you want to talk with her via Skype, we will have to schedule it ahead of time so Sarah can get her computer set up to her phone. A weekend afternoon would probably work best. Anyway, please let me know what you all think. Either leave a comment here or email me! Thanks!

Update

2011-07-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

Mom is doing about the same. Things go pretty well when you go to visit her but she doesn't remember the last time she saw you. Even her long term memory is slipping. She doesn't remember some of her Aunts and Uncles...at least part of the time. That is the part that is so hard for me. If a memory was completely gone, it would be easier to deal with. Sometimes the memory is gone but then it comes back another time and something else that she could remember is now gone. Over the weekend, she wanted to know how old she is and when is her birthday. Until now, she had remembered that.

On a better note, Allen and I were driving around an area of homes that are located between our apartment and Mom and Dad's the other evening and was astonished to find 40 to 50 deer just roaming around the yards. This is in the city limits, in a subdivision of houses and less than a quarter mile off of I-35. They were beautiful to watch but soooo tiny. Sarah posted some pictures of some of them on Facebook. We took her out to see them and take pictures and we counted 26 spotted fawns! 26 babies! There was one set of triplets and a couple of sets of twins. They were adorable! At any rate, we went over to Mom and Dad's last evening and made Dad leave his baseball game for a few minutes to ride over and see them. Mom was delighted and her face just lit up like a small child! She wanted to hold the babies. "I just want to pick them up and hug them," she said. She was just giddy watching them! It was good to see her excited about something!

Here and now

2011-07-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

Aunt Marjorie and Elaine left for home this morning. Mom did very well when they were with her but as soon as they went back to the guest apartment, Mom forgot they were here. Allen dropped me off at their place this morning about 7:30 when he left for work. I mentioned everyone eating at my house last evening but Mom didn't remember coming over at all...and said that she didn't even eat dinner last night. I commented that Aunt Marjorie looks more and more like Grandma Moore as she gets older. Mom said she didn't know because she hasn't seen Marjorie for 3 or 4 years now. I could go on and on with examples of the things she doesn't remember. The main thing we have to remember is that Mom no longer remembers things that have happened. She lives in the present only. She talks and laughs and teases and seems to enjoy herself now, but she won't remember what happens within just a few minutes. She talks on the phone and by the time she puts the phone up and goes back to the couch, she doesn't remember who she talked to or that she even talked to anyone at all. Even her childhood memories are fading quickly. She doesn't remember some of her aunts and uncles names or her cousins. Places are very vague. This morning, I was helping her get dressed and she went to her dresser to get her panties and bra out but stopped at the end of the bed and just stood there. I asked what was wrong and she said that she didn't know what she was going to do. I told her that she was going to the dresser to get her panties and bra but she said, "No, that wasn't it...I was coming to get something but can't remember what." I guess we just all need to enjoy our conversations and visits with Mom as they happen. It's hard to understand how something that has just happened disappears so quickly but it does. We will have the memories of them but she won't. She only has here and now.

Sisters

2011-07-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

Aunt Margie and Elaine have spent the last few days here visiting with us and Grandma & Grandpa. I think everyone has had a nice time. Grandma didn't remember from visit to visit that they were in town, thought Aunt Margie was her mom a few times, and kept insisting that she was never told when other family members had passed away...even though at the time she did know. This evening we all gathered at Mom & Dad's for dinner. Grandpa told me that Grandma has had a terrible day today... "She just can't remember anything today!"

At dinner, she wanted to sit outside with AJ & I because it was 'entirely too cold inside'. She sat down and took about two bites of her food, then slumped back in the chair...almost like she was going to go to sleep. I was about to ask her if she was alright when she said that she had to go inside. "Oh, it's so hot out here I can't even breathe!" Keith & I helped her in to the table and she seemed okay, but didn't eat but a few more bites. Then, she was so cold she wanted me to get a blanket for her (after she asked Grandpa to go in the bedroom and get her sweater, but he reminded her they weren't at home) She rested for a while before getting up to go home, but before they left, I took this picture.

It's easy to tell they are related! Overall, I think everyone had a nice visit. Though Grandma won't remember it tomorrow, the rest of us will.

Dental appointment

2011-07-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I headed over to Mom's first thing to take her for her dental cleaning. When I arrived, she was laying on the couch as usual but said she didn't feel well. She said her stomach had been hurting since the day before. We talked for a few minutes and she said she really didn't feel like going to a dentist and asked that I postpone the appointment to later in the week. Dad was upset that she wouldn't go. He said she has complained wanting an appointment for 6 months and when she has one she won't go. Mom said that if his stomach hurt as bad as hers did, he wouldn't want someone sticking stuff in his mouth either. She didn't want to go to the doctor for her stomach either...just wanted to rest/sleep and it would be better. I called and changed the appointment to Thursday. Dad went shopping and I stayed with Mom. She laid back down on the couch and we talked while he was gone.

She talked about her flowers and again asked me if the plant by the TV was mine or hers. I explained that I gave it to her so it is hers. "Oh, goody!" she exclaimed. "It is a really pretty plant and I was hoping it was mine." I talked about Aunt Marjorie and Elaine coming for a visit. She didn't know they were coming....'your dad never tells me anything'. She was glad they were coming. Nobody ever comes to see her. I don't know why none of my own children ever come to see me...they never even call. You are the only one who ever comes or calls. I reminded her that Wendell had just been here for a visit and that Beverly had just called her this past weekend but she claimed she hadn't heard from her in ages. "Is she married yet?" Yes. She is married to Barry. "Oh! We weren't invited to the wedding." It was just a simple, private wedding. "She doesn't have any kids yet, does she?" Not with Barry, I explained but she and Jerry had Matt and Jera. "Who?" I repeated their names and she just looked at me blankly and said, "Well, I've never met them. I told you, nobody ever tells me anything or comes to see me." I showed her a picture of Matt and Jera together but she didn't recognize them at all. Just thought they certainly favored each other. Then she asked how many grandchildren she had. I told her and gave her their names. She knew Travis and Sarah (and knew AJ belongs to Sarah). She knew Jessica but not Hannah. She didn't know Jenna, Sam or Zac but she recognized the name Zac. I told her that he is Wendell's son. She replied, "Oh. I didn't know he had a son...I thought Zac was his brother." I started explaining that if Zac was Wendell's brother, that would make Zac her son but she was looking so confused, I just changed the subject.

Shortly after this, Dad returned home from shopping. When he passed by the window, she raised up from the couch quickly and said "Let me get up before he comes in. He yells at me all of the time for laying on the couch." I helped Dad get the groceries in and put away. He had bought some chips and salsa. Mom opened the salsa jar and poured a small bowl of it out. She covered the bowl of salsa with so much black pepper, you could not see any red color at all. Then she covered the black pepper with cayenne pepper and then added a tablespoon of chili powder and stirred it all up and sat down at the table to eat it with the chips. I told her it was no wonder her stomach hurt if she was eating such concoctions and she replied, "My stomach doesn't hurt...I'm just hungry" Dad wanted to know why she didn't go to the dentist then, if she was just hungry. Her reply was, "I didn't have an appointment for the dentist. I will go to the dentist, whenever you get me an appointment." Dad explained that we had just cancelled the appointment this morning because her stomach hurt. "Well, you never told me that I had an appointment. I don't know why you won't ever tell me anything but then expect me to know everything! I am not a child or some crazy person! Start telling me things and maybe I'd remember something." I told her that she does have an appointment for this Thursday to get her teeth cleaned and wrote it down on a card and put it on her counter as a reminder. She was fine with that and asked if I wanted to try her 'dip'...."it is really good!"

Quick program note

2011-07-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've enabled commenting for anyone, since some of our readers do not have a Google account to sign-in with. Just click the drop-down bar and select 'Name/URL'. (The URL part is optional) I hope this encourages more comments from everyone!

A new week

2011-07-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

A bout of diverticulitis last week kept me from going to Mom and Dad's but I did talk to Dad on the phone at least once a day and Sarah handled things for me. I'm still taking meds but feeling much better. Allen and I stopped by yesterday to show dad some pictures that Uncle Bucky sent me. Mom was asleep on the couch again. Dad said she did stay up most of the day on Saturday though so that's better. Mom wants to bring her plants inside (the two hibiscus that now sit on their Juliet balcony) because she is afraid the cold will kill them. It has been in the upper 90's and 100's for weeks now but she thinks it is winter. When you explain it is July, she gets this bewildered look on her face and says time is sure flying by. When we left, she came out into the breezeway of their apartment building and said that she would like to close that in and make a big screened porch but Dad won't let her. I explained that it is an apartment building and her neighbors couldn't get into their apartments if she did that but it didn't register with her what I was talking about.

Elaine is bringing Aunt Marjorie down for a visit this next weekend. When I told Mom that, she was delighted. "Well, Marjorie never comes over anymore. We used to go shopping all of the time but she just quit coming. I don't know if I did something wrong or what." I explained that she moved to Kansas City and then here so Aunt Marjorie couldn't just 'drop by'. Mom just replied, "Oh! I guess I don't even know where I live anymore." Mom talks to me all the time about when she was a child as though I am Marjorie and I just have to say that I don't really remember that incident so I think having the real Marjorie will be good for her.

Mom's dental appointment was postponed from last week to tomorrow so I'll pick her up in the morning for that. Please pray it will go well. Thanks!

Grandma-sitting

2011-07-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

Since Mom (Patti) is still not feeling 100% (and not to be driving while she's on the medication) I stayed with Grandma this morning while Grandpa went to the store. He was gone just over an hour. Grandma was laying on the sofa, the news was on, and we chatted. I will try to skip over most of the details, to prevent this post from being a mile long! Basically, she didn't know who I was. The whole time I was there, she either thought I was Mom (Patti) or that I was her sister (Margie) At one point, during a conversation about jury duty, I mentioned a story from Dad (Allen) being called to jury duty and she said that she didn't remember that...then asked, "Who is your dad?" "Allen...he's my dad and Patti is my mom" "Allen? We don't have the same dad?" "No, you're my grandmother, Patti is your daughter and she is my mom." Grandma just sighed and said "I guess I just don't know who I am anymore...or who anyone else is either!" She also made a comment about back when we were kids on the farm. She asked about a plant that's in her living room.."Is that your's or Patti's?" I said it was my Mom's and she said, "Oh, it's mom's...we have the same mom, silly!" Then she started getting sleepy and said she was going to go to bed early. (it was 9:30 so I told her to just sleep there on the sofa and when Grandpa got home, maybe she could go to bed then) She closed her eyes for a minute, then opened them with a start and grabbed for my hand. "You won't leave while I'm sleeping will you?" "No Grandma...I will stay right here." "Good. Please don't leave without letting me know" "I will let you know!" Then, she closed her eyes for a bit more, then opened them again and said, "I can't keep my eyes closed for too long at a time. I wake up and don't know where I'm at and it's scary. The other day, I woke up and looked at those pictures and thought how pretty they looked, then realized I had fallen asleep on someone's couch!" She sighed and looked very sad..."I just don't like waking up and thinking I've fallen asleep at someone's house." She dozed off to sleep for several minutes...less than 5...and woke up with a start again. "Oh, good! You're still here...please don't leave me, ok?"

She was very scared to go to sleep. I have to wonder if she does this during the night, too and perhaps that's why she's so tired during the day...she's never really resting at night.

About yesterday

2011-07-05T16:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't get a chance to post about this yesterday because Mom (Patti) had another round of Diverticulitis and I was in the ER with her and Dad until 4:30am. So after resting some this afternoon, I'm finally sitting down to write about yesterday.

About 4pm I was to go get Grandma & Grandpa and have them follow Keith & I to Mom & Dad's apartment and we were going to have some homemade ice cream. When I got there, Grandma was wearing a sweat-shirt that was covered in spilled food. Grandpa told her to go change tops and he was going to change tops, too. He walked down the hallway to their bedroom and Grandma turned and walked into the kitchen. She paused and looked around, then said to herself "No, this isn't it". She walked from the kitchen to the dinning room doorway and stopped..."No, this looks like a dinning room". Then she turned around and looked at me and I asked her what she was looking for. She stood there for a moment, then said, "Well, I need to change my blouse but..." (then she pointed down the hallway towards the bedroom)..."I guess it's this way." As she walked past the bathroom, she looked in and said to herself, "There's a toilet in there". When she got to the edge of the bed in the bedroom, she looked around and before she could say anything, Grandpa handed her a blouse and told her to put it on. Once she had changed, she went in to the bathroom to put on some makeup. (This is where the story gets really sad) She picked up her powder compact, which has an opening on each end - one for the pouf, and one for the powder. She pulled out the pouf and looked at it. Then turned the compact over and looked at the powder. Grandpa said, "That's your powder, Ruth" and she replied, "Well I know that, but what is this thing for?" (motioning to the pouf) Grandpa told her (as he showed her) how she was supposed to pat the pouf into the powder and put the powder on her face. So, she patted the pouf on the powder, held it out and looked at it as she said to herself, "Well, I guess that's what it's for!" and she patted it on her face in three spots. Then she stopped, as though she had completely forgotten what she was doing, put the compact down and came out of the bathroom.

In the meantime, Grandpa told me that he wanted me to drive them in their car instead of him following us over. He said he just can't be driving anymore, and we left. Grandma had trouble getting her seatbelt buckled and was also very confused why the car was so hot. "This is really hot for this time of year." (I might add here, that it was about 98 out yesterday, but the temperature outside actually felt cooler than their apartment did!)

She didn't speak at all during the short drive to Mom's, but as I pulled into a parking spot, she got upset. "Where are we going?" Grandpa- "We're going to Patti's for ice cream, Ruth!" "Patti doesn't live here." Grandpa- "Yes she does! You spent three nights here when we first moved down and you were just here a few weeks ago when Wendell came in" "Who?" I turned around to look at her and said, "Uncle Wendell...when he came in a few weeks ago, Mom fixed dinner for everyone and you came over here then." "I have NEVER been here before." (note the word never in all caps...by this time she was getting very upset so I decided it best to not say anymore...but Grandpa on the other hand, continued arguing with her) "Ruth, you've been here a dozen times or more, now just get out of the car!" I had gotten out and walked around to help her get out of the car and Grandpa was there as well. When she got out, she stood in the parking lot looking around at the buildings, but would not move. Grandpa took her arm and she said, "I don't care what you think, I have never been to this place before. I would remember seeing these buildings." Grandpa- "No you wouldn't Ruth." "Well I don't have a clue where we're at or why we're here" Grandpa- "Well I do and that's all that matters, now come on!" "That's what I'm afraid of". As we walked up to the doorway, she kept insisting that she'd never been there before and was very upset that Grandpa said she had. I piped up and said, "Well, it doesn't really matter...we're here now." and she said, "Well it matters to me. I don't like being told I've been somewhere when I know I haven't been".

First, to see Grandma...someone who, as long as I've known her has always wore makeup...not know how to use a compact was very sad. Second, when she got so upset, insisting she had never been somewhere, is just downright scary. The memory is just gone...perhaps in the mind somewhere, but lost at the moment, or perhaps just plain gone.

Tomatoes

2011-07-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

I got some tomatoes at the Farmer's Market and took some over to Grandma & Grandpa this evening. Grandpa was watching Nascar and Grandma was...yep...laying on the sofa. We chatted for a bit, then I said I needed to get home to do the dishes and clean up my kitchen. Grandpa said I could clean his, too if I wanted and Grandma piped up that she always does the dishes right after each meal. "Now, Winnie! You haven't cleaned that kitchen up in years! I always do the dishes!" Grandpa just shook his head. She was also telling me about their flowers and how she was planning to plant some more flowers in the bed just outside their living room window. Grandpa told her they wouldn't planting anything this year. She hung her head and sighed.

The doctor told us a few months ago that Grandma was reverting back to childhood. As each day passes, I see that more and more. She's very childlike in her demeanor. She gets excited and giddy over very simple things and also gets very sad and dejected over other things.

On a different note:
Grandpa didn't look very good. The last few times I've seen him, he looks extremely tired and run down. He told me the other day that he's not sleeping well at night because of Grandma's dreams. She's talking and yelling in her sleep and her hands and arms jerk around so much that he's staying awake most of the night. He said the nights she does sleep soundly, he still has to sleep lightly to make sure he knows if Grandma gets up in the night. I feel badly for him.

Doctor call

2011-06-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Mom's doctor called about 5:30 this evening. He waited to call until he had her blood workup from Tuesday. He said everything looks good and there is nothing that would explain why she is so tired. He is taking her off of the Aricept for the next 2 weeks. He said it does cause drowsiness but usually not this severe. He wants her to stop taking it though and see how she does. I stopped by their house and talked with Mom and Dad about it. They were both happy to stop one of the meds. We will see how things go.

Dreams

2011-06-30T12:45:00.001-07:00

One other thing that has come up. Dad says that Mom is dreaming a lot and talking in her sleep...sometimes trying to run in her sleep. She was moving around and mumbling and talking the other night. Then, she said "Winnie, you wouldn't really hurt me, would you? Would you?" Dad said that when he heard that, he woke her up to see what she was dreaming about and made her get out of bed and drink some water. She told him that Aunt Gladys was talking to her but she doesn't remember exactly what she said. She said Aunt Gladys put out her hand and said, "Come on, Ruthie. Come with me!" Before Mom could take her hand, Dad woke her up. You can read a lot into that.

Wait and see

2011-06-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

Went to Mom and Dad's about 9:45 this morning. Mom was asleep on the couch. Dad said he got her up about 9 and she got dressed, took her medicine and had coffee and laid down on the couch for a nap. She slept till about 11:30. She seems fine. Says nothing hurts. She just doesn't have any energy. Just wants to lay down. Gets out of breath if she tries walking very much. I have left messages with the doctor's nurse all week but she hasn't called me back. I suggested that we just make an appointment with the doctor but neither Mom or Dad wants to do that. Dad says she does fine when he keeps her home. If she wants to sleep, just let her sleep. She isn't hurting anything. If she falls anymore or has any issues, we can just take her to the emergency room. Her blood work should be back to the doctor tomorrow or Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday) at the latest. We will see what it shows. She is taking her medicines and D-3 vitamins. Dad said he stopped giving her the B-12 tablets when they ran out.

He basically downplayed everything that he told Sarah last evening about their trip to the store. Said she just needed to rest a little while they were out but did fine once she got home. The plan is now for me to come over every Tuesday and Friday morning about 8:30 to go shopping with them. He will refrain from shopping a little bit every day and do everything on those 2 days. If Mom is feeling good, we will all go to the store. If she isn't having a good day, I'll stay with her and he will do the shopping.

I guess I just worry too much about her. The next time she gets lightheaded and falls there may be a table or chair that breaks her fall and perhaps some bones, too. Dad says he watches her but that didn't stop her fall the other day or a couple of weeks ago. At any rate, I can only do so much. I cannot make them do anything they don't want to do.

Left on a bench

2011-06-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

Mom made some zucchini bread this afternoon and sent a loaf of it home with me this evening to take over to Grandma & Grandpa. When I got there, Grandma was lying on the sofa (her usual place these days) She looked awful. Her hair was messed up, her clothes were extremely wrinkled...almost looked as though she had been sleeping in them for a while...and her skin color was very, very pale. I asked her how she was doing and she sighed, "Well, I don't really know." (turns to Grandpa) "How am I doing?" Grandpa then proceeds to tell me that she's not been doing very good today. "I took her shopping this morning and sure wish that I hadn't!" I asked why and Grandma said, "Yeah, why?"

Let me pause from the story for a moment to explain that Grandma's question was not angry in tone, it was very inquisitive. During this next conversation, she didn't know we were talking about her.

Grandpa went on to tell me that he had gone to Wal Mart to pick up a prescription for Grandma and get some milk. The pharmacy and the milk isle are on complete opposite ends of the store. He said he parked by the pharmacy but by the time they got in and to the pharmacy, Grandma was so tired that she could hardly stand. There are some benches out in front of the pharmacy and she sat down on one, while he got the medicine. When he was ready to go get the milk, he said that Grandma was so tired and told him she'd just wait there for him. But, he told her that she couldn't and got her up and they started towards the back of the store. Then, he said she stopped and tried to sit down on the floor...in the middle of the isle. She said she was so tired she'd just sit down, but he told her that she couldn't sit on the floor and took her to another bench. (They were almost at the back of the store where there were restrooms and another bench) As he got her to the bench, she told him she needed to go to the bathroom. He said she was in the bathroom a very long time, and when she finally came out, she sat down on the bench and said she was entirely too tired and weak to walk. So, instead of taking her home and going back out for the milk later, he left her on the bench and went to get the milk! (My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest! I could not believe he would leave her on the bench, alone!) He said when he got back to her, she had laid over and was sleeping. He got her up and said it took them a while to walk back to the front of the store, check out, and leave. She was hanging on to the shopping cart and could barely walk. I saw them leave out this morning about 9:30 and he said it was nearly 11 before they got home. She went to bed and slept until 3:30 when he got her up to eat. After she ate, she laid down on the sofa and had been sleeping until I knocked on the door, about 7:30. About this time, Grandma spoke up and said, "Gosh, that's awful". I could tell she didn't really understand that the story Grandpa was telling was about her. Then she rushed off to the bathroom.

When she closed the bathroom door, I told Grandpa that he should have never left her alone! He nodded and agreed, but said there was nothing else he could have done. I told him next time he needs to go shopping, to call me or Mom, and we could either go get it for him or come stay with Grandma while he goes out by himself. I reminded him of how irate she got while she was in the hospital a few months ago. If she had become confused and wondered off, he may have never found her! Or if she left the store and went out in the parking lot...gosh, it could have been so much worse! Grandpa started crying and said, "I know. She's getting real bad, Sarah, real bad" I gave him a hug and about that time she came out of the bathroom and went to lay back down on the couch. "I'm just so tired" she said.

I know it has to be so difficult for Grandpa. His entire life is revolving around caring for her. But I'm really worried that he doesn't fully understand the importance of staying with her 24/7. He walks out to the trash dumpster, or goes out to smoke and she comes out looking for him, panicked that she'd been left somewhere. Some days she doesn't even recognize her own furniture.

* sigh *

Falling

2011-06-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

Monday, I went to Mom and Dad's early...about 7:15 so I could take Mom to get blood drawn for the lab work the doctor wanted. She was not supposed to eat or drink anything after midnight but dad forgot about that and gave her coffee when he got her up at 7. She was sitting at the table in her robe with her head down on the table when I arrived. Said she was too tired to go anywhere but back to bed. She had gone to bed the night before at 8:30 and slept all night but was still tired. I was sitting on the loveseat when she got up from the chair and started over to the couch. She made it a couple of steps when I saw that she looked very pale and wobbly. Just as I was asking if she was ok, she went down on the floor. It was an open area of the floor so she didn't hit anything on her way down. She never lost consciousness. I rushed over and she grabbed my hand. She was shaking terribly and trying to sit up. I told her to just lay back and relax and take a deep breath. The shaking stopped but she was sweating and complaining that she was too hot and needed her robe off. Dad helped me get her up and to the bathroom. Sometime during the fall, she had messed herself. I helped her get cleaned up and clothes on and she laid down on the bed. In less than 5 minutes, she was sound asleep. I stayed with her while Dad went to the store for a few things. She slept until about 10:45 and woke up hungry. She ate a sandwich and went back to bed. Dad said he finally got her up at 2:30 but she just laid on the couch all afternoon and evening until time to go to bed.

I went back yesterday morning to take her for the blood work. She had no recollection of the previous day's events at all. She doesn't have any bruises and isn't sore from the fall. She was in good spirits yesterday and did fine going out. I have a call in to her doctor's nurse to let them know what happened. Dad said she is falling at least 2 or 3 times a month. She isn't tripping on anything...just seems to get dizzy and falls. So far, she hasn't been hurt but if she falls when they are out at the store or into a piece of furniture at home, she may not be so lucky. She never remembers the fall.

On another, not pleasant topic...Dad has convinced Mom that she needs to wear Depends at least at night when sleeping. She has been messing herself at night, sometimes 3 and 4 times. She said she doesn't realize that she needs to go until it is too late. Dad has been cleaning her up and her clothes and sheets. This keeps the sheets and bedding from becoming soiled when she has accidents. I talked with Dad about the lactose intolerant issue and he finally started giving her medicine when she eats or drinks dairy and said he can see a big improvement after just 3 days. She hasn't had diarrhea at all since he started giving her the medicine. I am glad this seems to remedy the problem but rather concerned that she has seen 4 doctors (that I know of) and had several tests including 3 colonoscopies and nobody even suggested being lactose intolerant?!?

Little things

2011-06-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

Took Mom to the dentist yesterday morning. She was scheduled for a checkup and cleaning. When we arrived, they advised they couldn't do the cleaning because she was not 'pre-medicated'. Apparently, when you have knee replacements (or any other kind), you have to be given a large dose of antibiotics before any dental work can be done. They did the x-rays and checkup but gave us a prescription for the antibiotic and rescheduled the cleaning for July 7th. The nurse said that her surgeon should have told her about this at the time she had the surgery and probably did but I didn't know and Mom doesn't remember. At any rate, they were very nice about it and Mom did well. When I arrived to pick her up, she was in the bathroom brushing her hair. I walked in and she put on some lipstick. Then, she picked up the mascara that was on the counter and asked, "What is this?" I told her mascara. She asked, "What is it for?" It is not just the big things but the little things that make me want to cry.

Frustration

2011-06-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

Stopped by Mom and Dad's this morning to see how they were doing. Mom was laying on the couch. Dad informed me that he tried to get Mom to work some puzzles in the word search book he got her but she wouldn't do it. He tried to get her to play cards, but she wouldn't do it. He tried to get her to read, but she wouldn't do it. He tried to get her to play spider solitaire on the computer but she wouldn't do it. He said, "I don't know what else to do. I tried to help her but all she wants to do is lay on the couch and sleep." I asked Mom why she didn't want to play any of the games or do the word search puzzle. She just looked up at me and simply said, "I don't remember how to do any of those things any more."

Doctor visit

2011-06-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

I took Mom to the doctor today...just a regular appointment. Her blood pressure was good. Her sugar level is a little higher than he'd like it to be and her cholesterol level is, too. She had gained another 4 pounds. He suggested that she eat more fruits and veggies and cut back on sweets and have smaller portions. He also wants her to have her eyes checked. Physically, everything looks good. He wants all of her medications to continue. She agreed that she thought the medicines were doing a good job...especially the ones for her memory because now she isn't forgetting anything.

He re-emphasized the importance of keeping her in familiar surroundings. She should not travel but it is fine for her to have company and it would be good for her to have company as long as no more than 2 or 3 people visit at a time. Visits should last about 1 to 2 hours. It is better to break up an extended visit (as in out of town guests) so they are with her for a couple of hours, then leave for an hour or so and come back. Several shorter visits are better than one or two long or all day visits. Overnight guests at her home would not be recommended. He also advised against watching TV. Watching the news in the evening would be fine or if she has a really favorite show (which she doesn't anymore) that would be ok but try to keep the TV off limits. They tend to be too confusing and often patients mix up real life with TV. She needs to be reading, playing games...board games, card games, working puzzles, word searches, crossword puzzles, mazes, anything that makes her think or reason is good. Conversation is good. Short trips out to shop at the grocery store or the mall are ok but try to keep them limited to no more than 60 to 90 minutes. Try to keep a schedule...get up at a certain time, eat at certain times, bathe at certain times, sleep at certain times...much like you would do for a small child. Make sure she is never left alone, doesn't operate machinery or drive, and keep her away from guns, knives or anything that she could hurt herself or someone else with.

Basically, the only new thing the doctor said was about limiting TV time. I hadn't even thought about that but after he brought it up, I realized that Mom has mixed up TV shows with the news and thought that things in a TV show were actual events that had happened. Mom is about the same. She laughs and cuts up and seems herself and then suddenly doesn't know what is going on. She asks how old Dad is a lot lately and when is his birthday. She also wants to know who my Dad is a lot lately. On the way to the doctor today she wanted to know how long my Dad had been dead. When I told her he is still alive, she wanted to know "Well, who is your Dad?" The other day, she thought I was Sarah's grandmother. (I know. I know. I'm getting gray hair but...I still don't look that old! ) It is all very sad and I feel very helpless because there is nothing I can do. Her memories will continue to disappear. The nurse says not to try to make her remember because she can't and it only agitates the situation and causes confusion...just drop the matter or change the subject to another topic.

I have noticed lately though that she is making up things. Sarah and I bought her two large hibiscus plants when they first moved in. She was telling me that she has had those plants for years. They have always bloomed pretty flowers but this year is the best ever. I brought her a bouquet of yellow roses and pink lilies last week. The roses have died so I pulled them out of the bouquet and put the lilies in another vase today. She was telling me how she picked the flowers from her garden a couple of weeks ago and they have stayed so pretty all of this time. When she sees something but doesn't remember why or how or where it came from, she makes up memories to explain it. So sad.

2011-06-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

There are so many aspects of Alzheimer's Disease that most people don't even think of. I, myself, was not prepared for all of the things that would be happening with Grandma and to know that things will only continue to get worse is a very scary realization. There are just no words to describe what I feel when Grandma doesn't know me. She's recently asked the questions, "Who is your mother?", "Why are you here?", "Where do you live?", "Are you married?". Other times, it's not the questions that are so numbing. It's the completely blank look I get when she answers the door and says, "Hello?".

When I see my son playing with his grandparents (Mom & Dad), I find myself praying that he never has to go through this with them. It's truly devastating to have someone you've known forever, suddenly not know who are you.

Lessons to be learned

2011-06-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

I realized something yesterday... There is a very valuable lesson that can be learned from someone with Alzheimer's. Grandma starts every day new. She doesn't remember anything that happened the day before. I started thinking about this yesterday... If we all started each day brand new, forgetting about the troubles from the day before, perhaps our days would be more pleasant.

Just a thought.

New Blog

2011-04-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

I created this new blog as a place to journal about the events we're going through with Grandma. I think it will be good for us (Mom & I) to post about the things that happen.